I heard the song on the radio today. “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan. I hate that song. Every time it comes on, I change it. I usually don’t run from such pain, but I can’t . . . not that song. We played it at the funeral. “In a cold dark hotel room . . .” How did Sarah know? But I listened to more than usual; more than I should have.

My children are 10, 8, 5, and 2.  I wish so much that they had a chance to know Angie better. Katelynn, my oldest, knew her pretty well. Kylee a little. Their memories, I’m sure,  are quickly fading. Will was just two months old when she died. Zach was not born.

I often talk to them about Angie. I recount how much she loved them. I tell about how much I loved her. If I keep her memorialized with my children, she seems to be still a part of my life.

“Daddy, how did Angie die?”

This is the dreaded question that I get ever so often. I don’t really know what to say. What a horrible thing for children to hear were I to tell them the truth. Therefore, for now, it is sufficient to say, “She died of sadness.” My kids are usually satisfied, but not lately. Will will not let me off the hook. He is five and very persistent. “How does someone die of sadness?” He asks. “I don’t know,” I respond, “they just get really, really sick.” “But how do they die?” “I don’t know, it just causes them to die.”

I don’t think I am lying to my kids. In fact, I think that it is the most accurate way to put it. She did die of sadness. She just got so, so sad that she did not feel as if she had another choice. The gun she shot was not pointed toward herself, it was pointed toward the sadness that was in her head. She just wanted it to stop and all the pills and positive thinking were not as powerful as the bullet. She killed the sadness and her body was a casualty of friendly fire. Continue Reading »

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1. I am judgmental about not being judgmental. What is up with that? Does that make any sense?

2. I am compulsive in everything. This is my strength and weakness, but I wish that I could just turn it off when I need to.

3. No matter how many times the Lord comes through, I am always anticipating the worst. I think this is because of my sister and my mother.

4. I talk down to my wife and it is a habit that is so hard to break. I am sorry Kristie.

5. My back is always hurt these days. When your back is bad or goes out, it effects everything! (Did I say everything?)

6. I am a people pleaser. I think it is fine to want people to like you, but it is really hard for me to say the hard thing when it needs to be said. You know . . . “the wounds of an friend thing.” I am like David. I have such a bad past that don’t feel qualified to shoot straight with people. But the irony is . . . see #1 and #4.

7. I, so often, want to run off and hide from my responsibilities. I identify with Homer Simpson who, on the day of his exam which he had not studied for, said “Its okay. I am just going to hide underneath these coats and everything will be alright.”

8. I feel so inadequate to deal with people emotionally. I am just not there. I am not very tender at all. Oblivious and dismissive. Those are good words to describe me emotionally many times. This affects so much. Boy, I used to get it from my sisters and mom about this. Now I can see it effecting my girls. But, this may be a man problem.

9. I cannot fix people’s problems and I don’t know how to handle it (see #7). I could not fix Angie and now I can’t fix my mother or father. Why is there such longevity in struggles? Haven’t we learned what we need to learn? I am just so tired when I go there. (And tomorrow is my day with mom).

That is all I can think of now.

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(I have to post this because the blog is (still) messed up and will not let me create this as a page—we lost our “about” page in the crash.)

Welcome to the blog.

I, Michael Patton, am the primary contributor to this blog. But you can also expect posts from my fellow bloggers Dan Wallace, Paul Copan, Lisa Robinson, and Doug Powell. Our blog is Evangelical and our purpose is content oriented. Hopefully we can write blogs that educate, update, and make people think deeply about historic and contemporary theological issues. You are welcome to contribute to our blog, but please be gracious and thoughtful. This is not anyone’s surrogate blog!

The skinny of my life:

I am Michael Patton, the primary contributor to the Parchment and Pen blog. I do a lot of stuff and love teaching theology. In fact, I have been blessed enough to be able to make my living doing so. I am married, have four kids (two girls and two boys). Got married to the most beautiful gal in the world 97, graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary with a Th.M. (double major in New Testament and pastoral studies) in 2001, was on Pastoral staff at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco Texas from 2000-2006, started The Theology Program in 2001, incorporated Reclaiming the Mind Ministries in 2005, moved the family and ministry to Oklahoma City (area) in 2007, and the latest project is the Credo House (the Reclaiming the Mind Ministries headquarters and a theological education center). Oh, and I have had four kids along the way!

Check me out on Facebook or follow me (if you dare) on Twitter.

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UPDATE 2: Zach has a condition called Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP). It is from the virus that attacted him. The virus is gone but the ITP is still there. The condition is not too serious, we just have to make sure his blood platelets rise soon. This comes through diet (eating meats and food high in iron rather than popsicles!). Zach, like the rest of my children hate to eat (they did not get it from me!). Anyway, as long as he does not have any injuries (especially head) he should be OK. The only danger is him bleeding really bad. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I don’t think I have ever had such a discouraging and encouraging day at once like that. You all are wonderful.

UPDATE: Just got the word. Zach does NOT have leukemia! The whole doctors office thought he did. I think they were a bit surprised! He does have low blood platelets which are a cause for concern, but I will take that any day over what we were thinking. I am exhausted, drained, beat, and relieved. Thanks so much for stepping in and praying for me when I could not.

Zach, my 2 year old son, just went to the doctor. A couple of weeks ago we discovered that there were many bruises all over his legs, much more than normal. There were also some large bruises on his back. While this made my wife very nervous, I did not think much of it since Zach is so active (he climbs on everything and fall 27 times a day). My wife searched the internet and found out that these are symptoms of leukemia. This had her very worried as you might imagine. We took him to the doctor who said that he thought it was a virus and to wait and see if the bruises come back.

Last week the bruises went away (for the most part), but there were blood capillaries that were all over his back (another sign of leukemia but also of the virus).

This week the bruises came back. We took him back to the doctor and he said that he thought it was leukemia. He ordered blood work. We should know in the next few hours.

I am really scared to pray. I don’t know why. I feel as if I am back in this place of dread that I have found myself in twice over the last five years, once with my sister and once with my mother. Neither of those turned out too well. I don’t know what the Lord has planned, but I fear the worst. When I try to pray I cannot complete my request. I think it is because I am afraid of being disappointed again. I am afraid that the Lord may have the most dreadful plans that I can imagine. I am too afraid to say, “Your will be done” since I have experienced what his will is for us in these times of dread.

Can you pray for Zach?

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I live with the fear that someone will discover that I am not fit for ministry. Wait, I am getting ahead of myself . . .

January 2000. I have just been hired as an intern at Stonebriar Community Church. I still have a year left at Dallas Theological Seminary, but my excitement is far beyond anything I could have ever imagined six years ago when I began to think about ministry. My life had not been one of a minister in preparation by any means. It was a  fun, selfish, sinfun, and “I’ll deal with you later Lord” type life . You can read about it here. However, now things were different. The constant adrenaline that the idea of full-time service for the Lord was enough to keep my mind off my past failures. Watching Braveheart in 1995 seventeen times at the theater fueled my motivation. I thought to myself If I could just give my life for something bigger than myself like William Wallace did then contentment would be found in sacrifice. This was the road I was on. Excited, motivated, hopeful, and ready to change lives, I was now working for Chuck Swindoll, my hero.

The internship at Stonebriar Community Church for small groups turned into an internship for missions and outreach. This was good. I was going to set the example of one who was passionate for God. I was going to catch the eye of those around me. They were going to look at me and say to themselves Now that is what a young minister should be like. Maybe even Chuck Swindoll would call me into his office and commend my passions and service. Maybe Chuck would become my mentor.

I graduated in 2001 with a Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary. That is a theological masters—yes masters. From their standpoint I was a jedi of theology. Would others take notice? They would have to. Not only this, but I won awards for service and teaching from the seminary and graduated at the top of my class. I was ordained into the ministry by the elders of Stonebriar Community Church in May of 2001. Chuck preached a sermon that was devoted just to me (well, there were three others who were ordained, but he was looking at me most of the time). Chuck and the elders laid their hands on me as I was on my knees whispering prayers, words of encouragement, and warnings in my ear.

Now, I was totally prepared and confirmed for ministry. I am on full-time pastoral staff at Stonebriar Community Church. My past was under my feet and I was turning my foot on it like a discarded cigarette. Continue Reading »

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The following is the type of post that I am always afraid that I will write and quickly regret. In fact, I doubt that it will stay published too long as I expect to have blogger’s remorse within 24 hours of writing it.

I started crying about 3am last night and have not been able to stop. I have been avoiding everyone because every time I begin to talk, nothing happens but crying.

The immediate question that you will have is Why? I don’t necessarily have an answer. I remember two times in the last twenty years that I have cried. Once when I was in the backyard with my mother and I just started crying. When she inquired as to why I was crying, I could not tell her. I did not know. The second time was after my sister died and I put together the picture show for the funeral. Set to the background of “I Can Only Imagine” and Sarah Mclaughlin’s “Angel,” me and my family previewed the show in the living room. Everyone, including my dad, whom I had only seen cry once before, began crying. I could not help but cry with them.

I have not cried over my mother’s condition yet. Maybe this has something to do with my present state. Since the aneurysm and stroke, for the last two years (or has it been three?) we have waited for things to turn, for good of for ill. I suppose it has been a time of morning delayed turned morning denied. We are not really sure what to morn for yet. My mother is still here, but not really. Did we lose her or not? Continue Reading »

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Rewind 20 years: 1988

Walking past the sign at John Marshall High in Oklahoma City which encouraged students to come to Bible study at 6:30 in room 208. Not me. No, not because I did not like the Bible, but because it would be filled with nerds whom I did not want to be associated with. I smirked as I thought that the only reason they were taking this path was because they could not be like me—cool like me. Sure I went to FCA, but all the cool kids did. One kid even approached me, Davey Peirce, and asked me about Christ. I remember his exact words. “Michael, I want you to tell me more about this Jesus Christ.” “Sure,” I responded, “I will get back to you.” I never did. He asked me because I seemed to know a lot about the Bible during that session. Indeed, relatively speaking, I knew more than most. But Christ was a hamper to my style. My indulgence would have to be put on hold if I walked that path right now. I told Christ that I would be back after high school. I was just too busy.

Fast-forward 5 years

With Smashing Pupkins and Blind Melon playing in the background, I lay on the carpet face down in Arizona on my best friends floor in his room. It had now been three years since I told Christ I would be back and here I was. Dropped out of school (although I took my fathers tuition money), drinking every night, playing Madden 93′, living part time with my girl friend, stoned and making jokes about how I would not live past 21. As I lay on the floor, I told the Lord I was sorry. I just did not know what to do. “Lord, forgive me. I don’t even want to be different and for this I am ashamed.” Continue Reading »

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“Hello, my name is Michael. I am in ministry. I am a minister. Yes, a pastor.” 

I am neither a pastor nor the some of a pastor. Nor am I the son of the son of one. Those are both the understatements of the year. Yes, my great, great granddad did become a circuit riding Baptist evangelist and pastor after experiencing a life changing moment just after he shot a man for cheating him in cards(!), but I am not sure if that qualifies. Oh, and yes, I am a pastor . . . but not really.

My love for ministry is great and not so great at the same time. I want to talk

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Many ask me about my theological convictions. “Where do you stand on . . .” Granted, those of you who have been through The Theology Program or are regular readers of this blog not only know where I stand, but how strongly I take a stand on most issues. But for those of you who ask, I will give you a brief synopsis of where I am at on many important and controversial theological issues. I will also give you a number of 1-10 letting you know my conviction level. 

Please note: my conviction level is not based on the importance of the doctrine, but the clarity that God’s revelation affords to it. 

A “1″ means that while I am convicted of the truthfulness of the doctrine, my conviction level is as low as it could be. This does not mean that I am unsure of something, just that I am less-sure of it than I could be.

A “10″ represents a very high conviction level (as high as it possible for a non-divine being!). (Please understand that I very rarely give a 10 to an issue. A 10 is reserved for those which I believe the Scripture leaves no room for honest debate such as the physical resurrection of Christ, Christ’s deity, that Christ is coming back, etc.)

Calvinistic (8):

I am a five-point Calvinist and don’t take shame in calling myself such. I am not equally convicted of all five points (as none should be), but I ascribe to all five nonetheless.

Total depravity-9
Unconditional election/predestination-7
Limited atonement-1
Irresistible grace-7
Perseverance of the Saints-7

As well, I am an infralapsarian Calvinist which means that I believe that God decreed to permit the fall before electing people. I don’t believe in double predestination as God’s active election of people to damnation. I believe that God, in his secret will, passed over those who were already damned. I am a 5 with regards to infralapsarian.

I am a Soft-Cessationist (2):

This means that I don’t believe that the supernatural sign gifts such as healing, tongues, workers of miracles, etc. continued past the death of the Apostles. I believe that they were used during the establishment of the church in order to authenticate the Gospel message.

Having said this, I find Scriptural support for my position to be moderate at best. The primary reason I am not a continuationist (believing that the sign-gifts are still operative today) is because I have never experienced them or seen any legitimate reason to believe that they are still practiced even though I am very open to it. Believe me, I am open to it!

Complementarian (6):

I believe both natural revelation and Scripture teach that men and women are different. I believe that these differences show how God has designed each sex for a particular purpose. I believe that the Scriptures teach that man has ultimate responsibility in the family and in the Church, not ultimate importance. However, I might be described as a soft-complementarian as I don’t believe that these roles are absolute in all situations, just ideal.

Premillennial (4):

I believe that the millennium is yet future. My conviction comes for many reasons, but primarily because I can’t see the two resurrections in Rev. 20 as different types of resurrection, one spiritual and one physical. I don’t think the context would allow it. A premillennial view fits much better.

Pretribulational (1):

I have to be honest here: the primary reason I am pretrib is because of Dan Wallace’s exegesis of the Thessalonian epistles. Even though this is not in print (yet!), I have had the pleasure of sitting down with him as he explained how Paul, because of the chronology in which the letter finds itself, must be talking about a rapture. I don’t see it as a “second second coming” as the “second coming” itself describes a series of events, not just one.

U2 is the best band that ever was, is, or ever will be (10):

Don’t argue. You will look like a fool.

Believer Baptism (7):

I believe that believers alone should be baptized. This means that I don’t not believe in padeo-baptism (infant baptism). While tradition is important to me and my formation of theology, Scripture has a place of primacy. I don’t see anything in Scripture that would suggest or allow for anything other than believers baptism.

Inerrancy (6):

I don’t believe that the Bible contains any errors when understood correctly. I am an advocate of what I call “reasoned inerrancy” as compared to the more meticulous variety. My position on inerrancy is closely tied to my belief in authorial-intent hermeneutics. This approach to interpreting Scripture says that we have to understand the intent of the author before we can understand what the Scripture means with any degree of certainty. This ties to inerrancy in that sometimes the author does not intend to give details in a modern scientific precision. All details are inherently tied to the authors intent, which allows for hyperbole, round numbers, summations, and even accommodations.

Eternal Hell (7):

In sum, I believe that Hell is a really, really bad place where people go who do not acknowledge God by trusting in Christ. As to the nature of Hell, I am agnostic. I don’t know if it is a fire, a physical torture chamber, or an eternal darkness. I simple believe it is bad and you don’t want to go there. My hopes tend in the direction of annihilation or universalism, but Scripture does not allow me such comforts.

Jesus was a Republican (10):

Oh yeah.

Reformed Protestant (8):

While I don’t believe that Protestantism has all the answers, I do believe that it presents the best answers to the most important questions concerning salvation and authority. While I respect and learn from other traditions, I find myself continually and increasingly persuaded that the Reformation was necessary and important in the preservation and purity of the Gospel message.

Homosexuality is Sin (9):

The Bible is clear on this even though I have seen some pretty snazzy exegetical acrobats who say otherwise. Sorry, I don’t see it.

Traducian (8):

I believe that human parents are the intermediary creators of the soul just as they are of the body. I believe that the alternative position—creationism (which believes that God creates the soul without the parents)—while popular, has many serious flaws and is fueled by our continued fascination with Gnostic dualism. I probably take a stand on this more than most, but it is worthy. I don’t have time to go into it all, but just walk toward the light. Renounce creationism.

Dispensationalist (5):

Since there are so many misconceptions about dispensationalism, I am hesitant to even say this. In fact, I usually don’t call myself such any longer (I now use Progressive Covenentalist). Nevertheless, because of Romans chapter 11, I keep the Church and Israel separate, believing that redeemed Israel will be assumed into the Church. This way, I do believe that the Church inherits the promises of Abraham and that Israel does as well, through the Church.

Complementarianism (10):

Did I already put this? Well, refer to the earlier version. I have to go. It is late and my wife is getting really mad.

Let me reiterate, even though I put it in bold and italics above, some are going to misunderstand my numbering system. The numbers represent my level of conviction based upon the clarity of the issue, not the importance of the issue (although, they are many times closely tied).

Also, it is important to note that most of these issues are non-essentials, meaning that I would not break fellowship with someone who disagrees with me. Everyone has the right to be wrong, don’t they?

OK, done. Thanks for listening.

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I am the product of a sub-emerging evangelical theological conversation which recognizes the validity of both the postmodern and modern ethos.

Go ahead, label me!

But read me first.

Those who are like me find themselves in an ocean of hope and despair holding on to two anchors at once. The modern anchor sinks because of its reliance on absolute certainty in all things. The postmodern anchor sinks because of its lack of certainty about anything. We hope to keep both anchors from setting so that theological progression can continue, all the while trying to keep themselves from going down with either (which is not easy).

You might be a like me if . . .

1. You don’t take yourself too seriously.
2. You do take Christ very seriously.
3. When you are around modernists, you become postmodern.
4. When you are around postmodernists, you become modern.
5. You love to hate the emerging church.
6. You hate to love the emerging church.
7. You don’t have everything figured out.
8. (But you do have a lot figured out).
9. You complain about how much complaining there is in the church.
10. You divide with people because they are too divisive.
11. Yet you think Calvinism is just a mature spelling for G-O-S-P-E-L.
12. You have John Piper, Team Pyro, and Justin Taylor along with Scot Mcknight, Dan Kimball, and Andrew Jones in your RSS feed . . . and you like them all!
13. You believe that the essentials of Christianity have to do with the person and work of Jesus Christ.
14. You will fight like a dog for non-essentials and your heart rate is not affected. 
15. You have been though The Theology Program and you survived.
16. Your least favorite theological subjects are eschatology (end times) and creation/evolution because everyone thinks they have all the details of the past and future figured out when you cannot even figure out the details of the present
17. Oh, and one last thing: You cut your own hair and often have the guard fall off only to discover that you have shaved yourself bald. Yet you stubbornly continue cut your own hair so to your wife’s chagrin.

Score yourself. How many did you identify with?

If you identified with all 17=ontological unity (you are me, I am you)

If you identified with 15 to 17=we were separated at birth

If you identified with 13 to 14=good friends

If you identified with 10 to 12=call me sometime

If you identified with 7 to 9=I will call you sometime

If you identified with 4 to 5=we can just email

If you identified with 1 to 3=but you cannot have my email

If you identified with 0=let’s just have a postmortem relationship, eh?

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A few items:

Parchment and Pen: One Year Later
It has been one year (give or take) since I started the Parchment and Pen blog. Many people said “Don’t do it!” It will eat up your time. They were certainly right; It does eat up a lot of time. But I think that it has been worth it. Blogs are odd. It is a scary thing to put yourself out in the public in such a way. Sometimes you say to yourself “Why did I hit publish.” For compulsive personalities like me, blogs are dangerous. Nevertheless, when at their best, there are not many better ways of communication. Special thanks to Michael Spencer for all his support. I am not sure we would have the audience we do without him.

To all our readers: Thank you.

My Mother
I have not given much of an update on mom recently. I guess that it is one of those things that may come across as pouting, and I don’t want it to be seen as such. Mom is still the same. Two years after the stroke (this month—can you believe it has been so long?) she still can’t really speak, no walking, and has the mentality of a 5 year old at 58 (at least it seems that way most of the time).

Since she is too young to get the financial assistance for a nursing home, we divide the time between me and my sisters. That is why I moved here in Oct. I spend Fridays with her. It is “my day.” It is not really, as of yet, a burden. I enjoy spending time with her and my sister. We go to Old School Bagel in Okla City EVERY Friday at 1pm. (If you are in town, come by and see us. We sit at the booth.)

Dad is bad, but that is just dad. He needs to get mom in a nursing home, but he will still not accept this. He would have to sell his house and change his way of living in order to afford it. He won’t. Mainly he is just in denial. I don’t blame him, but I am hard on him about it. He will not listen. Hence, all of our backs are out and getting worse. Mom has gained a lot of weight. She is hard to lift and it is awkward trying to get her to the bathroom. Kristie, my sister, was rolling her down the road in the wheel chair today and my mother’s coat got caught in the chair. They were going down a hill very fast and the wheels stopped and my mother went flying out. She is OK, but my sister has cried all day about it. Sigh…

Reclaiming the Mind Ministries
We sent out a plea last week for support for Reclaiming the Mind Ministries. The response was incredible. We made up our dept in one week. This puts me in a better mood. My wife is relieved, although I have learned to keep most financial stuff to myself.Â

RMM has been incorporated for two years now and I have yet to miss a payday….well, completely miss. Thank you all much for contributing. It is hard being in a ministry such as this, but I am really learning about how the Lord works—slowly, but faithfully.

I started teaching this week at Crossings Community Church. What a great group of people. I think I scared them, but hopefully in a good way. I think I scare everyone at first. The first class of Introduction to Theology is scary, but that is another story.

The Theology Program is expanding into many more churches. Our biggest problem, if you want to think of it this way, is how to moderate the growth. Rhome spends most of his time dealing with other churches, while I am the wild-eyed visionary that has 12 new ideas a week. We consider .05 of them. Buggers. (Oh, and “Buggers” is my new word).

Personal odds and ends:

• I think I love the Lord more this week than last. I hope. I sure have been talking with him a lot.
• I drink one of those Starbucks bottled coffees each day. My daughters love them. They are supposed to be able to get one every Friday for rewards for doing their chores WITHOUT BEING TOLD. They have not achieved this goal yet. I usually give in as Kristie serves as their advocate.
• We are all obsessed with American Idol around here. We talk about it every Friday over bagels. Me, my wife, and my two sisters all think Michael …. Something (can’t remember his last name—from Australia) should win, but that other guy Whatshisname that sang Billy Jean was awesome last week.
• Connection Gate, our online communications program, is due out in the next couple of months. We will see.
• Let me see if I can get some recent pics of the family.

Ok, here are the most recent pics of all of my kids:

Katelynn (8 years old), by first daughter and her dog Muffin.

Will (4 years old), my first son.

And finally, Zach (1 year old), my second son.

That covers it.

One more thing. Considering my obsession with super heroes, I could not resist.

I thought that this was supposed to be secret?

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One of my best friends that I grew up with asked me a very hard question about God. I want to share this with you.

Let me back up first so you can see the context from which this question was sprung on me—and it was “sprung” on me. 

My friend was not a Christian, but he was seriously considering it. He was one of my wild friends that I hung with in my crazy days. I reconnected with him a few years ago. He was married with kids and so was I. After our reconnect, which involved uncomfortable retellings of our former days of sin along with some (compromising?) laughter about such, we spent the next year talking about Christ. We would talked on the phone about once a week. Often it would be for hours late into the night. The conversations usually ended when he was too drunk to talk anymore!

During these talks, he would present his objections and questions and we would discuss the possible answers. Often he would put his wife on speaker phone to ask and listen along. I sent him a couple of books that really helped him overcome some of his misleadings concerning the nature of Christianity. Primarily he saw Christianity as a legalistic set of “do’s and dont’s.” He had never even come in contact with the idea of grace. Our conversations culminated in his reading of Chuck Swindoll’s Grace Awakening (a book that every Christian should read). He was refreshed. Hurdle #1, successful.

In the backdrop of our conversations was his supposed perception that Christianity is naive and has no place for the serious intellect reasonings. We talked much about this and I sent him a copy of Letters to a Skeptic. His objections were slowly losing their hope in his retention of unbelief. It was incredible to see the slow transformation. Hurdle #2, successful.

But then he asked “the” question that I did not expect.

It was the day of my sister’s funeral. He came to my parent’s house along with many other guests. He sat by the side of the house, timidly lurking about, not really knowing what to say. When we finally talked (it was the first time that I had seen him since our reconnect), our conversation led to Christ. He mentioned my sermon at the funeral and seemed very appreciative. But there seemed to be something desperate in his thoughts, something that was personal and apologetically selfish.

“Look, Michael,” he said, as if all our conversation until this point was just a deterring prelude to something more, “I get it!”

“Get what?” I responded.

“I get it. Call me whatever you want—a believer, Christian, or whatever . . . I get it. I believe.”

Then there was some silence. I knew there was something more.

He continued, “But I am scared.”

“Scared of what,” I said. 

“You love Jesus and have been doing so much for him.,” he said. ”Yet look at what has happened to you. Look at what happened to your sister. Look at the pain of your family, especially your mom. Your mom has always been into Jesus.”

After another period of silence he asked, “Will God protect my kids?”

I did not know how to respond. I did not expect this.

“Yes, of course he will protect your kids. God did not hurt my sister. God wanted my sister to live, but she decided to take her own life. God was not in control of this.”

I almost wanted to say this, but it would not have been the truth. God was in control. God could have protected her. But he did not. My theology did not provide me with the opportunity for such an easy answer.

I finally responded, “I don’t know if God will protect your kids in the way that you desire. I really don’t. I am sorry.”

I had no guarantees for my friend. There were no prenuptial agreements that he could have had God sign. Loved ones of Christians do die. What was I supposed to say?

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As most of you probably already know, I moved from Frisco Texas to Norman Oklahoma in October. Norman is just north of Edmond OK where my family lives. I came here to help take care of my mother who suffered from an aneurysm and a stroke nearly two years ago. Her condition is stable, yet she is mentally and physically incapacitated.

I was very conflicted about the move. While I knew that my family desperately needed me for encouragement and support, Texas had become my home. I had been there for nearly ten years, arriving late in 98′ to enter seminary. Texas presented me with a new life. All four of my kids are Texans.That is where I received my theological training at Dallas Seminary. It was where I was ordained at Stonebriar Community Church. It was where I pastored over a flock entrusted to me for six years at the same church. It was where I began The Theology Program and where Reclaiming the Mind Ministries had its birth. They trust me in Texas. It was where I became a man of God. It was were I was really a pastor.

Oklahoma, on the other hand, was a closet. In that closet lay insecurity, fear, timidity, and shame. It is a closet linked with my old life of a relentless pursuit of . . . (ahem), other things. It was the place I grew up. It is the place where people know better. They know the real Michael Patton.

When I began to pursue what I felt was my call to ministry, I know what people thought. “Oh, Michael Patton—going to be a man of God now? A minister? Riiiggghhhhttt.” I could see it in their eyes, “Who died and left such a desperate vacancy that Michael Patton has to fill it?” “We will see. We know who you really are.” No one ever said these things, but this is what I thought they were thinking. Could it be a guilty conscience? Could it be insecurity in my call? Could it be that my compulsive personality always goes to such extremes and this is compensation for my former life? Not sure.

I have always sensed a trepidation about my returns to Oklahoma. During visits before our family tragedies, I was always relieved to get back to Texas. While in Oklahoma people would treat me as a pastor. This I was. “Michael, do you want to pray before we eat?” Well, no not really. I really did not. Why? I don’t know. Fear? Guilt? A deep enter sense that they would find me out? Was I a charlatan?

Praying around my father has always been the worst. I felt like an either-year-old kid again. Scared and with a scattered mind, I would do my best to say something spiritual before a meal. Not to God, but to my dad. I know. I will just pray like my mom did. But dad always gave her a hard time for her prayers. It is better if I just stay silent. Please don’t ask me to pray. Please don’t suppose that I have anything spiritual to say simply because I went to seminary and am a pastor. I am not a pastor here.

Now I am back in Oklahoma permanently. My dad morns each day for my mother and sister. My family looks to me for support. Why do I feel so young and immature? Can I be a pastor in Oklahoma? Why does crossing the Red River seem to remove my ordination?

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September 27, 2007

Frisco, Texas: When I started The Theology Program in 2001, I had no idea what God was going to do. We now have over 50,000 registered online and on-campus students in 110 countries. We are in hundreds of churches and soon to begin in hundreds more.

When The Theology Program grew into Reclaiming the Mind Ministries in 2006, I had no idea that the response would be so great. Our website receives over 100,000 hits daily. We are now looking to expand our ministry in ways in which we never dreamed. It blows my mind how many have endorsed and committed themselves to this ministry.

When the Parchment and Pen blog began over six months ago, (most of all) I had no idea that I would be writing so often! I really had no idea what an impact a simple blog could make.

In all the ministries of RMM, I have never sought to confirm prejudices, but to engage the issues as honestly as I could. This takes risk and trust.

The risk involved comes from a personal desire to see people more committed to a persuasion about the essentials of the Christian faith. While it is tempting to skew the evidence, make overstatements, and create straw-men, we have worked under the assumption that we must have a faith that is intellectually honest in all areas. In this, there is the real risk that people may not look like us in the end. They may find alternative positions more persuasive.

The trust must follow the risk. I think that God is a pretty big God. I trust that He is not alarmed with our questions or doubts. In fact, I think he is pleased with them. For in them we show an honest struggle for truth. If we follow the God of all eternity, then we have no need to stick our head in the sand on any issue. We can trust Him to guide us to the truth.

I am glad to say that, from everything I have seen, the risk has done nothing but disarm people and persuade them further in the truths of Christianity. They are disarmed because they cannot approach us with the suspicion so common in our postmodern world.

My greatest desire is for people to know that Christianity is true, not just a blind hope. So many people approach their faith with the hope that in the end the roll of the dice will have been favorable to them. Other faiths have only this choice available to them, but not Christianity. I desire for people’s faith to be real, defensible, and able to stand through the trials that so often turn people away from the faith or into a state of perpetual disillusionment. The seed must go deep. Theological discipleship must happen if the root is to be established.

This is not meant to be a ministry promotion or a plea for ministry funds (although funds are always needed!). It is simply meant to share encouragement with those of you out there who have, like myself, been lamenting the deteriorating condition of the mind within the Evangelical Church. Things really are changing. People are not as ready to turn away from truth as we often think. We just have to provide the avenue and the methodology that regains their trust.

I want to say thank you to all who are involved in and supporting this ministry in so many ways. It encourages me (and all the RMM staff), confirming that we are following God’s direction.

Folks, I think Aslan really is on the move.

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Since we have so many people who not only frequent this blog, but also post, I thought it would be good for us to take an oppertunity to get familiar with each other. I know that these tests are not always acurate, but I did find this particular one helpful. It seems to ask the right questions. Anyway, here is my profile. Click on this link, take the test, get the code and then post yours in a response below so that we can see yours! It is really easy.

Notice, I am an “Orignator, Intellectual.” Oh yeah. I am telling my wife.

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There are a few things that people never forget. The details of certain tragedies and trials stay by your side and the vivid details remind you of their significance. People remember where they were when the planes hit the World Trade Centers. I was leaving for work and glanced at the TV. People remember where they were when the first space-shuttle exploded. I was in eighth grade down by the snack machine getting Bugles. I remember where I was when I was told about my sisters death. I was driving down 635 just passing Preston Rd. I remember where I was when I was told about my mothers aneurysm. I was sitting on the couch on the middle cushion with cereal in my mouth. We remember certain events because of their significance. Unfortunately, most of these are tragic. It is funny to bring this up in this context, but most Christians remember where they were when they first heard about God’s election – predestination. Continue Reading »

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My daughter Katelynn has always been as sharp as a whip. She loves to learn. At church, people used to get kicks out of her understanding of theological issues. When she was six she came to me and saw that I was reading the Greek New Testament and asked if she could learn. Within the month she started reading Greek. She has known the Gospel since she could listen. I watched a home video of her tonight. She was two-years-old. In the video I asked her where Jesus was and she pointed to the sky. Why? Because I told her that is where God is. She simply believed what I said.

Continue Reading »

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I live with the fear that Chuck Swindoll will call me into his office. Wait, I am getting ahead of myself . . . 

January 2000. I have just been hired as an intern at Stonebriar Community Church. I still have a year left at Dallas Theological Seminary, but my excitement is far beyond I could have ever imagined six years ago when I began to think about ministry. My life had not been one of a minister in preparation by any means. At least not what I would think. The constant adrenaline that the idea of full-time service for the Lord was enough to keep my mind off my past failures. Watching Braveheart in 1995 seventeen times at the theater fueled my motivation. I thought to myself If I could just give my life for something bigger than myself like William Wallace did then contentment would be found in sacrifice. This was the road I was on. Excited, motivated, hopeful, and ready to change lives, I was now working for Chuck Swindoll, my hero. Continue Reading »

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“It is better than Disney World.” Those are not my words, but the words of my two daughters, Katelynn, age 8, and Kylee, age 7. I am sure that Will, age 3, would say the same thing. Continue Reading »

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I thought that I would take some time to share with you some observations that I have learned over the years in reference to my testimony I have posted over the last week.

1. Understand that sin is deceitful and worthless. This is for those of you who find yourselves stuggling with sinful lifestyles that seem to have you chained to a wall. I know you have heard this before, but my testimony demands its repetition. We sin because we are by nature sinners (Eph 2:3). The sin that creates this desire while enticing, causes you to waste your life. It really does. The satisfaction is always empty, even if the pleasure is there for a moment. Continue Reading »

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