Julie, a long standing member of your church (non-denominational) and a good friend, asks to meet with you. She has always been a rather quiet and unhappy person, but this day she seemed more upbeat. You meet her for lunch as she has told you that wants to share with you some news. The news, however, comes as a shock and produces quite a dilemma.

You see, Julie has been in a very bad marriage. Her husband does not attend church and is very antagonistic to the her faith. He often ridicules her for her beliefs. Not only this, but he goes out drinking three to four times a week, sometimes not coming home until the next morning. He neglects her and the kids always telling her that if she is so unhappy she needs to find some “preacher boy.” While he has never been physically abusive to her or the kids, Julie feels abused emotionally. Even when her husband it home, he only watches TV. Julie cries often, wanting to find love—real love.

Her news? She is finally happy. She has met someone at work. Another man. She is glowing with excitement telling you, “I have never felt so alive, so needed, and worth so much. He spends time with me, makes me feel like a lady again, and is such a gentleman. I am the center of his world. It is like a dream.” Continue Reading »

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NOTICE: You can listen to me read this blog post at the bottom. 

Where do I begin with this? Not sure. I don’t want to be misunderstood in what I am trying to say—Or better, I don’t think that I am trying to say anything, just ask some questions. I will try to give you the essence of my thoughts, then I will attempt to explain what I mean. Here is the question: Is there ever a time when people are justified in threatening divorce? No, that won’t due. I need to qualify this. Is there ever a time, even when abuse or marital infidelity are not an issue, when the threat of divorce is justified?

When you get married, you say “forever,” right? I know because I said it and I have counseled dozens of people to say the say thing. During premarital counseling I would make one thing plain: Marriage is forever. If you don’t have this in mind then don’t get married. For better or worse. In sickness and health. Whether we are rich or poor. Until death do we part. In other words, I will NEVER leave you! If the future husband and wife were able to say this with understanding, then I was pretty comfortable doing the marriage. Marriage is serious business. If you are going to bail, then do it before you tie the knot.

However, I think I have changed with regards to this commitment. I think. Continue Reading »

 

 Is the Treat of Divorce Ever Justified - C. Michael Patton [8:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (714)

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Divorce is sin. Divorce is bad. God hates divorce. Divorced people can never remarry. If you remarry, you will be in a perpetual state of sin unless you remarry your former spouse. These are all the things that constitute good conservative Christian counsel to those who are considering divorce. Right?

Yet after divorce and subsiquent remarriage, the same person gives counsel to the repentant remarried person. God is gracious. Divorce is not a sin that cannot be forgiven. Two wrongs don’t make a right, so don’t divorce again in order to go back to your former spouse.

It would seem that with such bi-polar counsel, the one considering divorce should just act now and ask questions later!

My two previous posts asked Is Divorce Ever Good? and Is Divorce Ever Understandable? These two drew heavily on experience and situations that seemed to call for a “greater-good” approach to some divorce cases when abuse was present. Now I want to deal with the Bible and what it has to say about divorce asking the question Is Divorce Ever Biblical? Continue Reading »

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Marriage is often torture. I look at many people’s marriages and wonder how they make it. I see the abuse inflicted by one spouse on another and am amazed by the endurance of the one in pain. But I am getting ahead of myself . . . 

Let’s start by attempting to balance my last post on divorce (Is Divorce Ever Good) by saying that marriage can be the greatest most fulfilling relationship that two people can have with one another. I truly believe this. It can and should be a God honoring institution. At the same time, it can also be the most painful relationship that two people can have with each other. Marriage can be so painful that it can cause a person to despair of life itself.

In the early church, many Christian’s suffered through the life threatening persecution of the Roman authorities because of their confession of faith. Continue Reading »

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Eleven years ago I sat in a premarital counseling session with my soon to be wife Kristie. I don’t really remember much that was said except one comment made by my pastor. He said, “There is nothing in this world that you can wish upon a person that is worse than a bad marriage.” When I first heard this I thought that it was nothing more than an expedient overstatement that was relevant to the moment.  I gave my pastor “grace” since I knew this was a counseling session on marriage and it was his job to make us understand the vital importance of the decision that we were making. Yet I did think to myself, “There are a lot of things that are worse than a bad marriage. What about cancer, the death of a loved one, or paralysis?” Today, I no longer believe that my pastor made an overstatement. There is nothing worse that you can wish upon a person than a bad marriage.

Let me give you a little background so that you can understand how my experience effects the way I think. Continue Reading »

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