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As many of you know, I have written much about the epidemic of people losing their faith. It is not only a concern, but an obsession of mine. Because of this, I engage with quite a few people on the issue. I often feel as if I serve as a last chance stop for many who are in their darkest hour, heading out the door of Christianity.

Recently, I received an email from a lady I know. Not too long ago I met with her and her husband to discuss her doubts about her faith. She now informs me that her niece who is a missionary in China is experiencing the same doubts about God.  Here is some of what her niece has to say:

“I don’t know what to do. When I hear people talk about God I almost feel uncomfortable…THAT scares the heck out of me. I find myself being pessimistic or maybe just skeptical. When people talk to me about trusting God for my finances, for my time here,  finding a mate, or what comes after China, etc I hear the thought in my head “yea, if He’s real.” What is going on with me?!! How did I get this far? I feel like such a child; an immature Christian. I went from a huge turn around in my faith in 2005 and continually growing closer to him, being closer to Him than ever right after my dad died all the way until last September (God and I were best buddies) to completely questioning his existence.”

Her brother advised her: “Push those thoughts out of my head and simply believe what I know to be true.”

I responded:

______________________________________________

Thanks so much for remembering me!

I feel for you both so much. It looks as if you have such a wonderful relationship with your niece. She sounds like she respects you a great deal.

You both are in such a hard position right now. It is often referred to as “the dark night of the soul” (Google it). It is a time of substantial doubt and disillusionment, and it is common for Christians, even very good Christians, to go through. I don’t have any silver bullet that will get either of you out of this, but I can say that it is often a very positive thing for your faith. But, I have to admit, it is often a time when one comes to the realization that they don’t have any faith. I don’t know where either of you are at, but I know that it is dark. Continue Reading »

It would seem that many people are seeking to renounce their faith in a more official way. Reports out of England tell of over 100,000 people downloading a De-Baptism certificate. Yes, that is right. Read it for yourself—a certificate to make their departure from Christianity a black and white matter.

I have spilled quite a bit of ink here on the blog talking about the anatomy of those who leave their faith. I suppose, reluctantly, I will continue to do so.

I am a Calvinist. I believe very strongly in the perseverance of the saints, meaning I don’t believe that a true believer will ever walk away. Certainly there will be times of doubt, discouragement, and skepticism, but these, for the believer, are often times of significant growth. My sister, for example, died with a copy of Chuck Swindoll’s Day by Day in front of her. She was crying out to God with her last breath, but I believe that she was still hanging on (or, from God’s point of view, He was hanging on to her (Jn. 10:29)). But, when someone truly walks away from the faith, I believe that we, as a church, must assess the situation and take it very seriously. That is why I take the time I do to read stories of the deconverted, often at the brink of tears.

However, this does astonish me that people are going so far to denounce their faith. It implies not a peaceful departure, but a exodus in bitterness and resentment.

I have found that there is a particular process when people leave the faith and I think it is important to see this. Here is is: Continue Reading »

I was discussing religion with a gentleman this evening. It was a very interesting conversation in which he recounted to me how he used to be a Christian in a Baptist church. But he left Christianity for Buddhism not too long ago. He explained that the reason why he left Christianity was because of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. In short, he felt that Christians were on the wrong side of this issue.

This is representative of so many in our cultural Christianity. This gentleman’s argument was simple:

Christianity is determined as valid or invalid upon the character of its adherents.

In other words, if Christians do not act a “good” way, then Christianity itself is discredited. In this man’s mind, Christians were on the wrong side of the conflict, therefore he left Christianity for something more suitable in keeping with the character that he supposed should accompany those who follow the true God.

I am going to make a statement here that I suppose is going to make many of my readers upset. This especially goes for those who are more “emerging” in their thinking. Here it goes:

Christianity is not validated upon the character of its adherents.

Did you get that? Let me repeat.

Christianity is not validated upon the character of its adherents. Continue Reading »

I received this email today. It is from a former pastor of 20 years who left the ministry in 2000. He is now an agnostic (does not know if there is a God). I recently heard a statistic which says that 80% of those who are in seminary will no longer be in ministry within five years! Astonishing. At least, to me it is.

Jim is an interesting case. I will leave the interpretation up to you. But as you read through his story, I think you will find that this gentleman was married to the ministry, committed to the church, and in love with his pastoral accomplishments more than he was to God.

What would cause a pastor of over 20 yrs to leave the ministry? My reasons and story are uniquely mine. Maybe you have been in my shoes in one way or another. I started out in the Pentalcostaland Charismatic traditions of showing up early and leaving late from every church meeting I ever attended. As a result, as soon as I was asked to do anything, I always said “yes.” In our churches, the way into ministry was through apprenticeship, for higher learning was suspect as not being spiritual enough for true ministers. Continue Reading »

Continuing our studies on why people leave the faith, I offer you George. Please read this and let’s discuss what is going on. I will add some questions at the conclusion.

___________________

“My story is as messy as life itself. I’m in the early processes of going public with my deconversion, but it also feels liberating to finally admit the truth out loud, and in the open.

I became a Christian in high school through a youth ministry called Young Life. I went to a week long camp where the gospel was packaged and delivered with great polish and skillful delivery, which was designed for maximum emotional impact. Many girls in the audience at night were in tears as they listened to the account of Jesus. We were all encouraged the final night to go off by ourselves in the dark and commit our lives to Christ. I remember that time vaguely thinking to myself that god really wasn’t there, but I think I prayed to him anyway, just in case. It wasn’t a fervent prayer however, because I wasn’t entirely sure I WANTED him to exist. Still, my friends were doing it, and they seemed cool and nice, so I’d do it to.

I came back from camp somehow oddly pumped up for Christ. I threw myself into bible studies, and developed my Christian friendships a great deal. I still have those Christian friendships, and love my buddies – although now that is a problem (more on that in a moment). I still had nagging doubts in the back of my mind, but kept pushing them aside and just tried harder to be a good Christian. The next few years in college I would vacillate quite a bit. One year I was a volunteer actually helping Young Life. The next year I joined a fraternity and was elected VP, partying heavily and enjoying relationships with sorority women. Continue Reading »

I got this post in an email today and found it very troubling, yet characteristic of the stories I hear everyday about people who leave Christianity after being brought up in a ridged fundementalistic tradition. However, I did find it interesting that Nathan (the man who wrote this) gave Christianity a second chance to alleviate him of his depression.

Sadly folks, this is yet another story about people coming to Christ for all the wrong reasons and therefore leaving Christianity for all the wrong reasons.

What I say deep down inside after reading these stories: “Folks but we need to wake up and understand our disparate condition due to the lack of true balanced discipleship. Quit acting as if we have no responsibility to lead people through intellectually tough issues. Quit acting as if we have it all figured out. Focus on the essentials. Show some grace. How could this person have gone to a Christian school and have no idea what Christianity is really about? God help us!”

What I say publicly: “Read this and tell me what you think. It hurts my heart.”

“I grew up in an ultra-conservative fundamentalist household. Bottom line: Christianity was my life! I attended a Christian middle school and high school. The brand of Christianity I was taught was “hell fire and brimstone”. I believed every word, never questioning. I attended door to door witnessing, and I helped with the church bus route. I personally led several people “to the lord”. Continue Reading »

The central motivating factor in my ministry over the last ten years has been the need for Christians to engage the intellectual side of the faith with more confidence, hope, and joy. I began The Theology Program in 2001 which now is in hundreds of churches and has effected tens of thousands of people. I can barely keep up with the demands of this ministry as its need and potential becomes more evident each and every day.

The intellectual side of Christianity.

With all of this success, one inevitably finds those who continue to place much needed anchors in my mission. While I believe what I am doing has been given to me by God, I also understand that the intellect is not all there is. In fact, while I want to produce more confidence, hope, and joy in the lives of believers, I also want to instill a deep sense of humility. Theology done right should always produce a confident humility. Theology done wrong produces an ironically insecure emotional confidence that is made up of what I call “cut-and-paste” theology and apologetics (“just give me the answers, I don’t care how we get them”). Continue Reading »

I received this email today. It is a story about a Christian, named Virginia who left the faith after 23 years.

Here it is along with my comments:

“Christianity thrives on human suffering and yearn for community. It was precisely under these circumstances that I committed myself to Christ at 19 years old, when my family got into serious trouble — father filed for bankruptcy, my parents separated.”

Yearn for community? This is what pushed her over the edge to become Christian 23 years ago? I yearn for community as well, but if we become Christians because of this, aren’t we setting ourselves up for a fall? Isn’t the circumstance that should cause us to become Christians the reality of our sin, the Cross, and the conviction of the resurrection of the God-man? Community may or may not be a continuous by-standard of our beliefs. It is the beliefs and trust that provide the genesis of our Christianity.

With all the yearning for care and love upon the utter shattering of my family, my high school pals who were Christians befriended me.

The illustration of need for community again.

I began fervently witnessing Christ, became a cell group leader on Bible study, witnessed to friends and relatives about Jesus and the salvation, using the tracts supplied from my church.

I was active in church and in my college years, also leaded evangelizing activities witnessing Jesus. However, I sensed in the entire ethos of this set of belief, some incompleteness.

I would imagine that the “incompleteness” comes from a rising realization of “cognitive dissonance.” Cognitive dissonance describes a physiological condition where a person’s beliefs are in contradiction to other beliefs or the way they live. Often people’s habitual patterns do not harmonize with their intellectual convictions. In Christianity, it is often the case where people live according to a Christian worldview due to traditional bents without ever experiencing a true cognitive or intellectual conversion to such. This produces a dichotomous life of dissonance—inconsistency in their beliefs and practices. I would imagine that this is the case with Virginia. Continue Reading »

In the last post in this series I discussed why people leave Christianity, focusing on intellectual reasons. This post will focus on theological reasons why people leave Christianity.

Let me quickly remind you of some important prerequisites to understanding where I am coming from and where I am not coming from. I am talking about people who leave Christianity, not simply those who leave the Church. Both are very related, but one evidences a more serious departure while the other can be one step on the road to departure. Please understand that I am a Calvinist who believes in the ultimate perseverance of true Christians. But this does not give me a “get-out-of-jail-free” card with regard to this issue. I still have to deal with it from a human perspective of responsibility, even if I believe that God is in sovereign control of such things. In other words, the response, ”The reason why people leave the faith is because they were never truly called,” may be theologically true, but it is often not only unhelpful but it can be dismissive of our responsibility as Christians in the discharge of the Gospel and the understanding of seriousness of the problem that we face.

One other point of importance needs to be made. I understand that people leave the faith for other reasons besides those of an intellectual and theological nature. It is simply that in my experience and studies, I have found that these two factor in most predominately and form the basis for other reasons of departure.

Theological Reasons: Casualties by Friendly-Fire

Thesis: We have the tendency, left without theological discipleship and accountability, to make God into who we think he ought to be. When that version of him fails, it is not as if the true version has failed, but only the version we created. Therefore, we have not really left God in a proper sense, but we have left the God we made. Sure, this God may be called “Jesus” and he may have died on a cross for our sins, but, for some people, these form secondary characteristics that are not foundational.

The lack of theological discipleship in the Church has created casualties by friendly-fire.

Let me explain. Continue Reading »

I sat down with a young lady a couple of weeks ago and had a conversation. This was a conversation about faith—her faith. Better put, this was a conversation about a faith that once was and is no more. She was a very interesting and bright lady—inquisitive, well-read, and suspicious. She began by telling me that she was a Christian (past tense) and had since left the faith. Christ was once a part of her confession, but, as she recounted to me, after a long voyage of not finding sufficient answers for her doubts, she believes that she had no choice but to follow her own integrity and renounce Christ all together. I asked her what her problems were and she became very emotional. It was like I represented Christianity and she was ready to take it all out on me.

Ignorance. Pity. Shame. These are all good descriptions of what she thought of Christianity. But the primary description that I felt coming from here was “betrayal.” She had been betrayed by the Church because they duped her into a belief not unlike that of the tooth fairy. When she discovered this betrayal, no one had a valid answer or excuse. So she left. She is now an unbeliever—a soon-to-be evangelistic unbeliever.

One fascination, obsession, and focus (neurotic pulse?) I have in my life and ministry is with regard to those, like this young lady, who leave the faith. You may have noticed this. I have over a dozen books giving autobiographical sketches of those who once proclaimed to be Christian and are now evangelistic atheists, agnostics, or skeptics, with their goal to convert or, rather, unconvert others. I have been in contact with many people who either have already left or are on the verge of leaving. I get emails, phone calls, and visits from the same.

No, it is not a neurotic pulse. I believe that it is the recognition of an extremely serious issue that we are facing today. We are facing an epidemic in Christianity—an epidemic of unbelief among our own. Crowding our churches are those who are somewhere in the process of leaving. No, I am not talking about leaving a denomination. I am not talking about abandoning some institutionalized expression of Christianity. I am not talking about leaving the church (though related). And I am not even talking about renouncing religion. I am talking about those who are leaving Christ. Continue Reading »