Considering the topic as of late, I thought that this might even be better to lighten the mood a bit before round two (I have no idea where this comes from, but have been using it for years.)

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward … I mean, where are we
going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? Continue Reading »

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I have no delusions that issues of gender equality has a simple solution. “Read your Bible. Whatever it says, do.” Yes, this is a nice way to go in a world where things are not so complicated, where sinners are all trying their darnedest to not sin, where repentance and change is the norm. But things are not always so simple. Yet the Bible does speak and sometimes what it says we don’t really like. Give us time and we will find a “better” answer. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, your gender, or your gifts, let’s fix it. We don’t want anyone to feel bad.

“Wives submit to your husband” (Eph. 5:22). ”I don’t allow a woman to teach” (1 Tim 2:12). ”The husband is the head of the wife” (Eph. 5:23). Don’t these represent the problem? Advancements and new discoveries nuance these passages taking away some of the sting, but in the end, you have to refresh your brain each time the issue is brought up to remind yourself how it does not mean what it seems to mean. Believe me, I have gone there. I am one who loves to take away stings. I still go there. I don’t want anyone to feel bad. I like happy people. Shinny happy people holding hands. Continue Reading »

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Concerning my gender issues posts, the issue of submission has shown up and asked for time. The discussion has moved to Eph. 5:21ff. 

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Speaking to this, one commenter gives a good summary of the egalitarian side (mutual submission):

“. . . Verse 22 is INSEPARABLY connected to verse 21. So, in my own personal paraphrase it would come out to something like this: Continue Reading »

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I have taught a Humanity and Sin course in The Theology Program many times. Before we begin our session on the theology of genders, I spend some time asking both the men and the women some questions. I don’t want people to think that this is necessarily leading anywhere so that their answers are not representative of a loaded defense of any particular theological position. In fact, when I started teaching this course, I was simply curious, not knowing how people would respond.

The questions are simple. Women, what do you like best about being a woman? What do you like least about being a woman. The same question is asked to the men about their gender. Having done this numerous times to people all over the world for many years, I found that the answers were always the same. Yes, there were a few exceptions here and there, but greater than 90% of the time, women and men answered the same.  Each semester I would take these results and write them all down and compare them to the previous semester. 

Below represents an agglomerated summery of the answers I always receive from each group.  Continue Reading »

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Men and women are different. I would not think that anyone really wants to argue against this statement. I would not think that anyone wants to argue with this statement, but my thinking does not rule the debate. In fact, there are those who would argue against what I believe. Let me back up.

There are some things that women are better at than men.

There are some things that men are better at than women.

These two presuppositions help form my understanding of the great gender debate. I am a complementarian. Really, I am what you might call a soft complementarian. I believe that God has created the sexes uniquely. This uniqueness contributes to individual uniqueness.

Before I continue with my position, let me give a brief overview of the positions and their respective responses. Please understand that some arguments are going to be more central than others. As well, some will have more validity. I have simply tried to give a representation of the debate without necessarily endorsing each argument. I say this to prevent straw-men from either side.

A survey of the positions:

Complementarianism:

Position: The Bible teaches that men and women are of equal worth, dignity, and responsibility before God (ontological equality). The Bible also teaches that men and women have different roles to play in society, the family, and the church (functional inequality). These roles do not compete but complement each other. This is illustrated (not evidenced) in the doctrine of the Trinity. All members of the Godhead are equal in essence (ontological equality), but have distinct roles (functional inequality).

Adherents: Wayne Grudem, John Piper, Douglas Moo, Charles Swindoll, John MacArthur, Tom Schreiner, Daniel Wallace. Continue Reading »

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It’s easy to stereotype the behavior and personalities of women and men who are on the two opposite sides on the women’s issue. We easily presume that feminists are all loud, opinionated, muscular women (like me!), while those who affirm male headship are sweet, godly, subdued ladies. Not so, nor are men on either side easily described.

This matter came to mind just now as I was responding to an issue a woman raised in an email. Here is what I wrote: “In my fundamentalist days (as a pastor’s wife) I knew a woman (and I know she was not totally unique) who loudly defended the man being HEAD of the home and how women should be utterly submissive. But we all knew that she was running the show and that her quiet (some said ‘henpecked’) husband had no choice but to be let her be in control.” Continue Reading »

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In response to Ruth’s “Top Ten Reasons I am a feminist,” I thought that I would have some fun with one of my own. 

10. I like to smoke cigars.

9. I am a completmentarian and by default that what we are supposed to be.

8. The woman made me do it.

7. If Jesus and Paul were here today, they would be smoking a cigar with me. Continue Reading »

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10. It’s in my genes and upbringing from my mother and grandmother—both nature and nurture; I couldn’t be otherwise.

9. Woman was created equal with man in Genesis 1; only the Fall put her under the rule and dominance of the man.

8. The devil made me do it.

7. It’s how I position myself far opposite on the issue from Wayne Grudem, John Piper, James Dobson, Beverly LaHaye, and Rush Limbaugh. Continue Reading »

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“God’s ultimate will is for you to get married.” “In order to be fulfilled, you have to find your ’soul mate.’” “It is not good for you to be alone.” Sound familiar? These are common statements that are made within the church by well meaning pastors and teachers. But are they true? Does one have to be married to find dignity in God’s creation? Can someone contribute in a significant way to society, culture, and the church if they are not married? Does Genesis 2 teach that one must get married or, in God’s eyes, “it is not good”? Continue Reading »

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Tonight I was perusing Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem.? Its a 500+ page volume, and my copy is personally signed by Wayne, To Ruth, with appreciation for your friendship. Continue Reading »

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