click here to tweet this post
click here to share with your friends
subscribe to this feed
World’s Manliest Theologian
by C Michael PattonJune 18th, 2012
20 Comments
Seeing as how Oklahoma City was just voted the manliest city, I thought I would begin to explore what makes the manliest theologian. Here are some criteria:
1. Must be a man. Sorry ladies. There is a petition out there to lift this criteria and redefine the basic DNA of manliness, but the overwhelming support of the population still believes that there are tangible sine qua nons of what it means to be a man.
2. Takes a stand on controversial theological issues such as hell, predestination, and inerrancy. +1 per issue
3. Has watched The Hunt for Red October. +1 (increase by 1 up to 4 for each time watched)
4. Johnny Depp is favorite actor. -4
5. Uses Bibleworks. +3
6. Is married. +5
7. Has been married over 20 years. +5 more
8. Has more than one wife. -10
9. Has listened to John Piper’s “Doing Missions when Dying is Gain”. +4
10. Dan Wallace is favorite exegete. +5
11. Rob Bell is favorite exegete. -10
12. Is a Calvinist. (one point for every point of Calvinism up to 5)
13. Is a Complementarian. +4
14. Lives in Oklahoma City (America’s manliest city). +5
15. Lives in San Deigo (America’s least manliest city). -5
16. Smokes cigars. +3
17. Smokes dope. Disqualified
18. Has been secure enough to change his position on at least one theological issue in the last three years. +5
19. Changes his position every year. -10
20. Drives a pick-up. +5
21. Drives a Nissan Leaf. -5
21. Drinks Dos Equis. +2
22. Drinks too much Dos Equis. Disqualified
23. Believes in just-war theory. +5
24. Is a pacifist. -2
25. Lives in fear of no man. +3
26. Lives in fear of God. +10
27. Lives in fear of his wife. +11
28. Drinks coffee. +3
29. Drinks cappuccinos. 0
30. Drinks frappuccinos. -3
31. Drinks anything at the Credo House. +10
And the winner is…?
Similar Posts:
- Famous Bible Translation Mistakes Throughout History
- The Military Prepares for Hilary as President
- Are You Like Me? Take the Test
- My Meeting with Thomas Oden
- Top Ten Signs You are Taking this Blogging Thing Too Far
20 Comments
Like or Dislike:
1
Are you talking about yourself?
Like or Dislike:
0
Michael,
Is 1. A. “must be an Oklahoma Sooner fan?” is that +100?
Is the answer Sam Storms?
John
Like or Dislike:
0
Ugh, I only got 54.
Like or Dislike:
0
What about born in OKC? That count a little???
Like or Dislike:
1
Jesus being a pacifist, how much of Just War theory would He believe in?
Great article btw
Like or Dislike:
0
As someone who lives in SD, I take offense with #15
And then there’s this: http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/San+Diego+CA+92121:4:US
And this:
http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/Oklahoma+City+OK+USOK0400:1:US
’nuff said =)
Like or Dislike:
0
I do believe Dr. James White wins.
I mean, number 2 should tip him over the edge. But, if that isn’t convincing enough.
12. +10 for understanding (and practicing) that “is a Calvinist” entails a lot more than 5 points (suggesting a sixth point to the five, even, that would encompass the other five and make clear God’s sovereignty).
14. Can do circles around Oklahoma City (on a bicycle). Over a hundred times, even(OKC approx. circumference is 88 miles)… AT ALTITUDE. +510 (that’s your +5 multipled by the number of circles he can do around the city – I’ve excluded the altitude for the sake of fairness)
20. How does one score “When not riding circles around Oklahoma City he drives a Harley”?
25. +3, obviously. Also, +10 because bears fear him (http://yfrog.com/z/kfyx4qaj)
Like or Dislike:
0
Also, I just noticed that Phoenix, AZ is up seven spots from last year… apparently due to a single theologian (?)!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
6
Is manly enough to reject the ridiculous “manly” stereotypes above:
+1000 points.
Like or Dislike:
0
Can’t spell for nuts. +50
Like or Dislike:
1
Has at least 1 Australian facebook friend +5
Like or Dislike:
0
Frankly, I would be terrified if a woman won the world’s manliest theologian award.
I suppose it would either make a strong commentary on many (men) theologians, or show how powerful feminist theology has become.
I am a bit perturbed at #12 and #13 since it skews the weighting for the Calvinists. It seems to me that Calvinists believe they can knock down an Arminian at will. Even if that were true (it is not), that means the Arminians just keep getting back up and keep coming. So I think Arminians should get a +10 for sheer tenacity and true grit (not counting the great exegesis we do).
Like or Dislike:
0
“I suppose it would either make a strong commentary on many (men) theologians, or show how powerful feminist theology has become.”
No offense intended for feminist theologians. (I am backpedaling already.)
Like or Dislike:
0
Heeeyyy. I’m from San Diego. But San Diego is home to the First Marine Division. +9
Like or Dislike:
0
26. Lives in fear of God. +10
27. Lives in fear of his wife. +11
Hilarious!
Like or Dislike:
1
“It seems to me that Calvinists believe they can knock down an Arminian at will.”
Not at will – most certainly not! Only if god fore-ordained it.
Like or Dislike:
0
San Diego loses points? Either you haven’t been to San Diego, and aren’t aware that it has one of the highest concentration of American military men in the country, to include Marines and SEAL’s, or you believe military men aren’t manly. So you support the Just War position, just not the men who risk and sometimes give their lives to defend our country. Actually, sounds a lot like your typical theologian – content to amuse himself with pot shots from the ivory tower.
Like or Dislike:
0
Mike,
CMP was not the person who judged San Diego as the least manliest city. He’s just being consistent – the same “study” that judged Oklahoma City as the most manliest city listed San Diego as the least manliest city.
If you want to get annoyed at someone, it should be folks at COMBOS® brand who did the study:
http://www.americasmanliestcities.com/
Like or Dislike:
0
Jesus = 3 (afraid of no man)
Def. NOT a calvinist or a comp. So… who are you trying to model your life after? An American reporter’s idea of manliness, or the creator of the Universe’s view of manliness? Just saying…
Like or Dislike:
0
@loo
Jesus scores at least 25!!!
More Comments: