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Top Eleven Reasons Why the Reformed Theologian Did not Cross the Road
by C Michael PattonJuly 22nd, 2010
12 Comments
11. A woman already crossed. We don’t follow women.
10. We don’t believe the road is safe. It wasn’t built between 1500-1700 A.D.
9. We believe that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.
8. The crossing guard was only helping people cross from one side to the other, so we are suspicious. Is this a denial of double pre-destination?
7. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads. Therefore, it is unbiblical.
6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made us mad.
5. The road was called Tiber Ave.
4. John Wesley said that God’s prevenient grace would pave the way, but we have to take the steps ourselves. What a load!
3. We were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.
2. Piper said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied on our side of the road.
1. The pub is on this side of the road.
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12 Comments
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12. All of my books are on this side of the road.
13. We never cross anywhere, especially roads. It makes me feel too Catholic for my tastes.
14. All true believers persevere to the end of this side of the road.
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15. Even if crossing the road is biblical, it isn’t part of our systematic theology, so we leave it out.
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I especially like #’s 4 and 2, Wesley and Piper.
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Smiled throughout the list, laughed out loud at number one.
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Haha! 3 was so funny!! 2 was great. I didn’t get 1, 5, or 10.
Cheers!
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Great list, Michael. Thanks.
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Having the pub on this side of the road is all it would take for me.
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As a social-drinking Reformed Christian, I enjoyed laughing at myself with #1.
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Absolute genius. Yeah, i’m gonna have to go with #1 as my fav. Guilty as charged
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Now that’s funny. I don’t care who you are.
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Very clever, all. I can’t pick a favorite. I’m glad a stumbled upon your blog.
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[...] think that they are picking on dispensationalists (of which I am one), they also have posts on why did the reformed theologian not . . . 11. A woman already crossed. We don’t follow [...]
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