Top Eleven Reasons the Arminian Did Not Cross the Road

11. He is the one who is in charge. No one is going to make him do anything.

10. We are not sure if he will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.

9. He has felt the draw of the other side of the road and has resisted thus far.

8. He heard someone yell at someone on the other side calling him a dork. He thought he said “Dordt.” It scared him.

7. Two guys named John and Ed were on the other side. It was too big of a risk (and they looked mean).

6. He will cross the road. But it won’t happen until just before he dies. Insurance. What if he did it early and changed his mind? Smart thinking.

5. Finney and Pelagius just crossed. Everyone already thinks he follows them. To cross now would just confirm their suspicions.

4. He shipwrecked on his way across therefore he never made it.

3. God cast a vote for him to cross. Satan cast a vote for him not to cross. He holds the deciding vote.

2. He did cross the road. In fact, he has crossed it over a dozen times. He just keep backsliding.

1. He did cross the road but stopped half way. One side was Geneva and the other side was Rome.

10 Responses to “Top Eleven Reasons the Arminian Did Not Cross the Road”

  1. GoldCityDance July 23, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Definitely not as funny as the Reformed one, but good enough. :)

  2. Make up your mind already! yes or no?!! Man! the guys got a green light and he’s just sitting there!

  3. Okay, I admit it, that was not so much why the Arminian did not cross the road, as it was showing my frustration (and road rage) that he wouldn’t cross the road :)

  4. “We are not sure if he will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.”

    In fairness this is more of an open theist then an Arminian. I bet you could come up with some fairly funny zingers for that group as well!!

  5. Michael T,

    True. As you may have seen, I mischaracterized all the groups, including my own!

  6. We need one for open theists!


  7. 12. He wasn’t elected to.

  8. Actually, despite what others said, he says he freely chose to cross the road. On the other side, he found out his choice wasn’t as free as he’d thought. ;)


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