Where the Bible says “I want men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without wrath or doubting ….” (something like that) … I’d love to hear a preacher say, “Please raise your heads and hands with me while we pray.”

Another one we don’t hear too often that is definitely biblical is to greet one another with a holy kiss.

I laughed a lot at your list. I think it is kind of sad tho. I have a very deep love for the Lord and I felt like some of the comments were sort of disrespectful. In the beginning I thought the comments were a true guide. But I have to admit, I did laugh a lot. I guess there’s never any harm in a good laugh.

Ricky,

Ohhh…now I get it! Way too slow here. Where do you go to church? I’d love to attend. — and laugh with y’all. Thanks for your comment.Ok…off to try and wash off my stupidity! Please don’t tell anyone I sometimes blogg here.

Ricky:

1. I beg you on my knees (Chinese culture) to tell me you’re kidding.
2. If you’re not kidding, please tell me what church/denomination you belong to. Avoidance is sometimes a safe and wise thing.
3. If you’re REALLY serious, please explain further…and forgive my arrogance!!! Truly.

Wo ai niem!! Niem (especially Michael , shi wode xin!

At my church, potlucks are called “Pot Providences”.

Announcements: Pause in worship designed for a staff member to read what is already in the bulletin.

Vacation Bible School: Free day care for kids out of school for summer. Careful planning and the whole summer break can be covered.

Praise Team: Not to be confused with sports team. However, there are similarities: Performers and Spectators.

Church Organ: Used to be a musical instrument but now is location for flower arrangements.

Power Point: Original meaning was the preacher pointing into the congregation during a hell, fire, and brimstone sermon. New meaning is words of songs are displayed on a screen so the congregation doesn’t have to use a hymn book.

True story: After delivering a sermon I asked the church to “bow their hair” and pray. The laughter was a tidal wave. I simply said “amen” and dismissed the congregation.

May I suggest:
Tithes-This where we tip God like we do the waitress at the diner. We have to save money to pay for our bills(meal), but we’ll let Him have the change. If you are a big tipper, people will pretend to admire you, but they will try to avoid you.

Unspoken”-What I say when they ask for prayer requests and. . .

My requests are selfish

My circumstances are embarassing, sinful, or both.

I can’t think of anything but I don’t want people to feel like I am not humble enough to ask for something.

39. Invitation:
The act of the speaker calling people to the front to either accept Christ as there savior or for current believer to get on there knees to show they are really committed to Christ with there prayer. If the pastor calls for believers to come up, it is best that you do or others will doubt your salvation. If your church does not have an invitation, the pastor is not properly “equipping the saints” and the whole church is in danger of etenal hellfire.

Traveling Mercies

This list pretty much sums up American Christianity in a nutshell
and why the Church has no influence in the USA.