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Forgiving God
by Lisa RobinsonMarch 14th, 2010
32 Comments
In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells a parable about the importance of forgiveness. The message – whatever someone has done against you cannot compare to the wrong that God forgives us for. Since God is willing to forgive a debt we cannot pay, we need to forgive others. That means, whatever transgressions have been committed against you, you are no longer willing to hold that against that person. Forgiving means to release that person from the obligation.
If you are like me, you may not have to difficult a time forgiving others. Yes, I have had wrong done to me. But whatever wrong has been done, I just attribute to a product of human depravity. It is not worth holding that against a person and besides, I take serious the judgment against me if I am unwilling to forgive.
There is another aspect of forgiveness that I think is harder, and that is forgiveness of self. I have made many mistakes in my life, many misguided decisions that have left scars and wounds long after the events those decisions caused. I cling to passages such Romans 8:1-4, Colossians 1:13-14; and Hebrews 10:11-14. If this is you, seeing yourself as Christ sees you enables that forgiveness.
But there is yet an even harder aspect of forgiveness that I don’t think is expressed nearly enough or openly enough as it needs to be. You see, we can forgive human action because humans are marred and can be hurtful, selfish, or disinterested in how their actions impact others. While we may not be pleased with choices we have made, especially the ones that have had lasting negative consequences, we can also chalk mistakes up to fallibility and lessons learned. But what happens when the person you are most grieved with is God? After all, he is love, and just, and pure. He is supposed to have the kindest of intentions towards his children. He is suppose to be good.
I don’t think anyone that claims Christianity, wants to readily admit that they might be harboring resentment against God. That seems so…sacrilegious? irreverent? disrespectful? But I do believe it is possible to hold unforgiveness towards God, unforgiveness that remembers situations where we felt he was supposed to do something but didn’t or not allow something that did happen. These may be unanswered prayers, death of loved ones, personal loss, humiliation or other tragic circumstances. It may not be openly expressed, but in the deepest recesses of our souls, is remembrance that is held in abeyance to be released when certain triggers are pulled.
How do we know if we harbor unforgiveness towards God? I suspect, the same way that unforgiveness is expressed towards others. The sense of injustice, the feelings of hurt, the remembrance of supposed wrong that entangles itself in responses to certain situations. Or maybe, in the quiet stillness, when thoughts of injustice impede progress to pray, to worship, to move forward, to let go. There might be that sense of unrequited love, that sense of rejection for having put a good effort forward only to have it recoiled in return. The heart sinks, burns, saddens and cries out “God, how could you?”
But unforgiveness is a prison. The same torment that Jesus predicted for that unforgiving king in Matthew 18, is the same torment experienced when the heart harbors unforgiveness, including unforgiveness towards God. It holds you captive and wraps you up in a cacophony of pity, pain and unrelenting desire to see a reversal of supposed misfortunes. Unforgiveness towards God will disable the ability to see him for who he truly is.
Forgiveness requires a release of obligation for retribution. No, I don’t think anyone would say they wanted retribution towards God. But not allowing the heart to freely give, freely worship and freely yield probably has the same effect. The release of obligation for retribution does not impose upon God requirements for him to correct situations or move in a way that would vindicate our sense of justice. It is an acknowledgment that God in his sovereignty is working out a plan that is far greater than our finite minds can comprehend, even when holding out hands empty of satisfactory results. Forgiveness enables trust.
So if this is you and you are holding unforgiveness towards God, please consider that the only person it is hurting is yourself. He is good, though at times that goodness is misunderstood and not evidentialy seen. Forgiving God is essential for moving forward in the Christian life and release from a harsh and unrelenting prison of torment.
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32 Comments
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Rabbi Levi Yitzchak once summoned a tailor and asked him about an argument he had with God. The tailor said: “I declared to God, ‘You wish me to repent of my sins, but I have committed only minor offenses. I may have kept leftover cloth, or I may have eaten non-kosher food, or not blessed my meal. But You, O God, have committed great sins: You have taken babies from their mothers and mothers from their babies. Let’s call it even; may You forgive me, and I will forgive You.’”
After listening intently, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak rose in anger and said, “Why did you let God off so easily? You might have forced God to redeem the whole world!”
- – -
Once, on the eve of the Yom Kippur, the tsaddik Rabbi Elimelech said to his disciples, “If you want to know what a Jew should do on the eve of the Day of Atonement, go to the tailor who lives at the end of town.”
And so the Hasidim went to the tailor’s house and stood outside the window. They watched the tailor and his children recite the afternoon prayers. Then they put on their best clothes, lit the holiday candles, and ate the pre-fast meal. After services that evening when the house was quiet the tailor went to the closet and took out a ledger.
“Master of the Universe,” he said, “now the time has come for You and me to reckon up our sins for this past year.” At once he began to list the sins he had committed, all of which were written down in the notebook. Then he went back to the closet, took out a thicker, heavier notebook, and said, “Lord, first I listed my sins, and now I will list Yours.” And with that he began to enumerate all the suffering, sorrow, illnesses and tragedies that he and his community had endured during the year. When he was finished, he said, “Master of the Universe, to tell you the truth, You owe me more than I owe You. You know what, though? I’d just as soon not keep strict accounts with You. We are commanded to forgive the wrongs that have been done to us. Why don’t I just forgive You and You forgive me?”
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Wow! This was an EXCELLENT post! Thank you so much, it was a blessing! I have posted it on my blog Gal Glorifying God, giving credit to you and your blog.
Mrs. Ann
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I have so many thought rushing through my mind on this post.
I think the most constructive thing I can say is repent.
Where in scripture do we see this teaching?
This is not what Job did.
That we need to forgive God only reveals how little we truely know him and trust him. Is it not the result of unbelief?
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Very encouraging post, Lisa; especially, given my current circumstances. But, somehow I have never been comfortable with the phrase, forgiving God. Personally, I’d prefer, letting go of our bitterness against God. Well, that’s just my stance, anyway!
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Jaime,
The language was intentional on my part to illustrate how bitterness towards God can result in detrimental results for us. The same prison that results when we hold something against someone else, is the same prison we put ourselves in when we hold something against God.
Perhaps you’ve not experienced circumstances that would make you question God’s love for you or experience the dark night of the soul. Bravo! But many, many believers in Christ have. The very worst and I dare say, condemning thing, we can tell them is “repent”. That to me is essentially saying “get over it”. It does nothing to address the questioning and anguished heart that can’t understand why some tragedy has befallen them from the hands of a loving Father, the same questioning that Job DID in fact do, in the face of his friends telling him what seems to mirror your instructions.
It’s not that such experiences cause us to disbelief, but bitterness can turn to unbelief quickly when we feel like God has let us down. The whole point of the post, which I think you missed, is to release the sentiments of holding something against God, so that we may freely live for him and freely love him.
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I reject utterly and completely that God requires any forgiveness on our part. There is not one iota of Biblical support. The post and the replies so far give the implication that God has done something wrong. Because we can’t understand why He lets things happen, and because when we are in grief/perplexity/depression, that is all we can see, it is very easy to see God as somehow having all the power but acting as if He were indifferent. The implication is also “if I were God, I certainly would not allow this to happen. Only a wrong can be forgiven. Rather, God forgive us for our resentment and bitterness and lack of trust that indeed, ALL things work out for good to those who love Him. By all means let go of bitterness which is indeed a prison but say so plainly and away with such nonsensical language as ‘forgiving God.’
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John,
Like Jaime, you have completely missed the point, I think. No, God does not require forgiveness on our part nor is their any scriptural support for that. In fact, that is not what I am saying at all. In the vein of what the Matthew passage is communicating, I think the language of forgiveness demonstrates the forcefulness of what happens when we hold on to bitterness based on how we expected God to move. In some cases, it might feel like God has done something wrong from our perspective. The idea of forgiving God is by no means for his benefit, but for ours.
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I posted the (perhaps unrelated to Lisa’s point) rabbinical stories as examples of how Jews have regarded their relationship with YHWH (though I don’t understand the apparent fixation with tailors).
Does God smolder in anger when His children dare to judge Him, dare to question Him, dare to hold resentment against Him, dare to challenge Him, dare to withhold forgiveness of Him? Does He smite them with curses, boils, hemorrhoids, death, plagues, leprosy, et al., unleashing His fury at their affrontery?
Are all those who are angry with God or unforgiving towards God always His enemies or only those who hate Him? What are God’s feelings towards those of His children or His people who are angry or unforgiving towards Him?
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I’d have to weigh in with John Carroll on this one. The Biblical concept of forgiveness loses meaning when we twist it to mean something other than what the Bible says.
If “the whole point of the post…is to release the sentiments of holding something against God” then lets talk about releasing bitterness or dealing with our emotions, but please don’t destroy the central message of the Gospel by using the term forgiveness in such an unBiblical manner.
There is so much confusion around forgiveness already, and this sort of definitional slight-of-hand only makes it worse.
I understand your point, Lisa, but totally disagree w/ your word choice.
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Lisa,
I understand the concept you are talking about and agree with it also.
But I must admit I also feel very uncomfortable with the choice of the word “forgive” here. To think of forgiving God for some perceived wrong that He has done to us in some way just does not seem appropriate in light of His purity and holiness. If we really believe that is who He is, speaking of forgivenss, even in the light of perceived wrongs just doesn’t ring true to me at all. Releasing anger or bitterness because we don’t understand, we are upset about some circumstance that we feel He failed us in or whatever, yes. But it seems to me that at a very basic level we must recognize that He is sovereign and His choices are always the best for us and for all concerned even if we simply can’t grasp how that could be true at the moment. That leaves us with an attitude that we need to deal with before Him, but I just can’t see the way to deal with that being called “forgiveness”. I guess I just don’t see how we can forgive Perfection!
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For people who feel Lisa’s word choice is remiss I suggest revisiting some of the prophets, particularly Jeremiah who went so far as to compare Yahweh to a deceitful brook that didn’t provide water. The prophet goes surprisingly far in complaining about his job and about how God has let him down. God lets him complain and says “If you come back to the job I’ll still let you do it”, roughly speaking.
The good news of Christ can’t be destroyed by people who are bitter about the lot God has given them, not when Jesus said from the cross, “why have you forsaken me?” Perhaps people don’t quite get the sense in which Lisa is arguing that to make those sorts of rebukes belittle the suffering of those who suffer. Christ did not come to them and say that they should accept that God is good. He healed the sick, raised the dead, and fed people. He joined us in suffering and even learned from it. When we feel frustrated that God has not answered our prayers a person could say we need to buck up and know that God is good, yet Christ offered a prayer that God did not answer. “If possible” was not possible. Christ’s prayer that the cup would pass away from him was answered with ‘no’ and he went to the cross. Jesus was not wrong to pray to be sapred that but he also went obediently to the cross. For those who resent the sorrows God permits them to piously say “You shouldn’t hold bitterness toward God” is only a partial answer and can inadvertantly come across as nothing more than the patronizing admonition of those whose own lives may be comparatively free of concern.
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Wenatchee,
Thank you so much for that clarification. And I would like to further add some more for those who find the word choice twisted, unbiblical or troubling.
If we look at Matthew 18 from the viewpoint of the person who has done the wrong, then perhaps I can see the concern. But that is not where Jesus is coming from. He is talking to the one who has been wronged. Now, as to Cheryl’s point that you can’t forgive perfection, of course God does no wrong. He can’t. That is not the point.
Matthew 18 is not in reference to wrong, but the attitude towards feeling wronged. That sense of wrong causes an attitude of retribution. That person must pay! They have robbed me of something! Now, we would not (hopefully) say that to God. BUT, when we withhold from him our lives, our prayers, our love towards him because of hurt we feel he has allowed to be inflicted upon us by his hand, it is essentially the same as unforgiveness.
And to be clear, unforgiveness has nothing to do with the one who has, or in this case, we think has wronged us. It has everything to do with our attitude and releasing that person from an obligation we feel is needed in order to feel that justice is satisfied. It is a release on our end that doesn’t have anything to do with the other person. That is the point of Matthew 18. To say “let’s not be bitter” really diminishes the forcefulness of what that resentment is or can do to a person over time.
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Why do we say there is a devil, and proclaim that we have freedom to choose, and still in our heart of hearts hold God responsible for every ill that befalls us. What are we saying? God, we forgive you for allowing us to choose? God, we forgive you for allowing us to bear the consequences for our own choices? God, we forgive you for allowing us to indulge ourselves in every manner of selfishness, greed, immorality and rebellion? God, we forgive you for not doing what we want, when we want, how we want? Oh my goodness, Lisa. Forgive God? If you want to speak forgiveness, why don’t you rather speak about forgiving the devil? That seems to me a mite more in tune with gospel.
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Tamara,
Sadly, you have completely missed the point of the post. Of course, God is good, his plans are good. He is sovereign and working out his purpose to how he sees fit. His grace and mercy do abound in light of our selfishness and self-focused consumption.
Forgivesness as I am representing it here has absolutely nothing to do with God. It has to do with our attitude towards how he has run his universe, especially when it causes suffering beyond our comprehension AND not because of judgment on his part based on wrong that we have done. (which your response suggests). In that attitude, WE can hold him responsible and that is not a loving or correct response on OUR part. But WE need to release that in order to live a fruitful life. This is about OUR attitude. I hope you can understand that.
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Tamara, I would also recommend you consider Wenatchee’s comment #11. He does get what I am saying and has provided some very appropriate amplification.
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Honest post, Lisa.
My version of anger management is getting it all out with God, so I don’t have to take it out on others.
I honestly admit I rail at Him at times for the unfairness I see in this world, but I figure He’s big enough to handle it, and forgive me instead! So very thankful for that.
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Sadly, Lisa, I do understand what you are saying. You think I am missing your point. I think you are missing God’s point.
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Mbaker, we would all be in a heap of trouble if God responded to us the way we respond to others when affronted with a real or alleged wrong. He is so long suffering with us.
Recently, we have been doing a series on the kingdom of God through parables in Matthew. As I heard the message on unforgiveness a few weeks ago, this thought occurred to me. I don’t think I ever realized how much unforgiveness is about us rather than the other person.
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Tamara, the fact that you say I’m missing God’s point is an illustration that you still do not understand what I am striving to communicate. It is not about God’s point.
I am not saying that we dictate to God what he should do. Nor am I saying that we should complain when bearing consequences of sin. The point is that we should not do that. I think I made that clear. But our attitude and actions towards God, in reflection of suffering, can be tantamount to unforgiveness or holding resentment against him if we allow it to not give to him freely. See, that is about us not him. And to be clear, sometimes he does allow suffering. Now, perhaps some people don’t want to be honest about resentment that may play out in their actions or inactions.. But I would bet money, that many who have endured incomprehensible suffering would agree.
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Lisa,
” I don’t think I ever realized how much unforgiveness is about us rather than the other person.”
That is so right. Much better the other person thinks ill of me than God, or that I do about myself. But then I truly have to ask myself, if I’m willing to be as unconditional as Christ in my forgiveness of them, or do I secretly want them to approve of me instead? As a human, in the flesh, probably not. But as a Christian, enabled by Christ, that’s for sure what God expects, but quite frankly, I wonder if I’m up to it sometimes.
Anybody else here?
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Mbaker,
I think that’s what Jesus was getting at. If we consider what has been forgiven us, it should give us perspective in terms of releasing that obligation from the other person. I suppose human approval is a way of retribution. Only God’s opinion matters.
And that allows a perfect loop around to the point of the post. The fact that God is good, perfect, holy and sovereign should makes us realize that even in the midst of incomprehensible circumstances, he is worthy of our trust and adoration that should not be held back. Resentment only puts us in a prison.
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Lisa,
“And that allows a perfect loop around to the point of the post. The fact that God is good, perfect, holy and sovereign should makes us realize that even in the midst of incomprehensible circumstances, he is worthy of our trust and adoration that should not be held back. Resentment only puts us in a prison.”
I think you and I are really saying the same thing, just using different terminology for it. When I say release bitterness I believe that is the same thing that you are saying when you say forgive God. I just have a really hard time myself with the thought of “forgiving God”, the other terminology works much better for me.
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I fully agree that forgiveness is more about us than it is about the other person. I have endured ‘comprehensible suffering’, and yes, I do absolutely relate to having feelings of deep disappointment and dissatisfaction with God. I have forgiven much. I been forgiven more. There is hardly a more beautiful word in the english language to me than ‘forgiveness’. You are saying.. and correct me if I am wrong… that we should not be burdened with those feelings of resentment towards God, that we are all prone to, because it is unhealthy for us, and that the way to be ‘released’ is through forgiveness. I would suggest that perhaps that misses the entire spirit of forgiveness? If forgiveness is about releasing ourselves, then we have missed the spirit of God in it. Forgiveness is not about freeing ourselves.. it is about freeing the other. We forgive, because we know that we have been forgiven. We extend Christ’s love to our offender, and in the process of this, we are ourselves released. God does not forgive in order to make Himself feel better. He forgives as an act of love, to bring reconciliation… because He is Love, and Love forgives. Sin is not against us, that we should forgive it. If God does indeed do ‘evil’, it is not against us.
If I have ‘resentments’ towards God, what I do NOT want to do is indulge that by allowing my emotions.. the offense to my own personal sense of justice… to elevate me to any position where I could presume to utter the words, ‘God, I forgive you’, and I don’t care what Jeremiah said. What I want to do is confess my sin to God (resentment is a sin, no?), ask Him to forgive me, ask Him to give me His mind, ask Him for new eyes to see, ask Him for humility, ask Him for faith, ask Him for peace that passes understanding to guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus, ask Him to unburden me. What I do NOT want to do is ‘free myself’ from Him, or feelings about Him. I want to press in to seek…
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Tamara (and Cheryl too),
I think this might provide some further clarification about what I am trying to communicate
When I say I forgive, it is saying that I am going to change the course of my action not that the other person is going to change the course of theirs. It is not requiring that the other person change the course of theirs.
God’s point, which I think I get btw, is that he cannot change the course of his action. He acts according to his character and has a plan and purpose, though not very clear at times and which produces some unfavorable outcomes from our perspective. Forgiveness on our part allows conformity to his actions not his conformity to ours. It frees us to respond to him according to who he is.
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“If I have ‘resentments’ towards God, what I do NOT want to do is indulge that by allowing my emotions.. the offense to my own personal sense of justice… to elevate me to any position where I could presume to utter the words, ‘God, I forgive you’, and I don’t care what Jeremiah said. What I want to do is confess my sin to God (resentment is a sin, no?), ask Him to forgive me, ask Him to give me His mind, ask Him for new eyes to see, ask Him for humility, ask Him for faith, ask Him for peace that passes understanding to guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus, ask Him to unburden me. What I do NOT want to do is ‘free myself’ from Him, or feelings about Him.”
Tamara, yes I think we are on the same page. Except I think the sticking point is saying “I forgive you”. That does not sound right saying it, does it? But as I stated in my last comment (which got crossed with yours), saying I forgive you is essentially saying I release myself to love you freely; It is my action I’m changing; I am changing my mind about holding resentment. It is totally directed at us, not him. That is freeing and should cause us to run to him, no?
But I also have to wonder how many believers live in the bondage that unforgiveness causes. How many have found it difficult to forget about the tragedy, whose remembrance rears its ugly head when its time to step out and serve God? They want to freely love him, but can’t get past the hurt of that tragedy that impedes movement in his direction. Tamara, they do exist and my prayer is that they will realize God is good and his intentions towards his children are likewise and trust him, even in the midst of not understanding.
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This reminds me a little of my experience in a Buddhist temple. The priest said repeatedly that Buddha is not a god, and Buddha does not claim to be a god, and Buddha is not supposed to be prayed to. But because Buddha is good, and Buddha is merciful, and Buddha knows that people are ignorant, he receives the prayers people offer to him. So… we can’t really ‘forgive God’, because He hasn’t actually sinned against us, and He’s actually doing the right thing, we just can’t see it, but it makes us feel better, so He lets us.
I know we are limited by vocabulary… and these things aren’t really fully expressible anyway. We’re mad at God because He’s always right, and we’re always wrong, and how can anyone have any kind of healthy relationship with that imbalance? It’s the original sin… we want to be His equal. We want to squeeze ourselves into the Trinity, have our say, and have it carry weight, as if we know anything about anything. I don’t think people can’t move forward because they resent God. I think they can’t move forward because they don’t believe God. I think people can’t move forward because they don’t believe God is loving, has the power to heal them, to redeem them, or to overpower the evil in their lives and overcome it with good. Now we have to ‘forgive Him’ to be free? Is He so impotent? Is it really all in our hands, our healing? Either God is God, or He isn’t. Either we will put our faith in Him, or we won’t. He says He is the Redeemer, the One Who sets the captives free, the One Who loves us with an everlasting Love, the One Who works all things out for good for those who love Him and are called to His purposes. He is more than just a man on a mission. He is Almighty ‘climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean’ God, Lover of our soul and He has humbled Himself to empty Himself for us. If there is anything in us that wants to exalt ourselves above Him -even in the guise of freedom and forgiveness-…
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… If there is anything in us that wants to exalt ourselves above Him -even in the guise of freedom and forgiveness-… we need to kill it.
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I think that if you had used a different phrase, perhaps like ‘surrender to’, rather than ‘forgive’ God’, I would have loved everything you said.
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Dear Lisa,
I have lived long enough to know pain, to know lose, to dispear, to feel anger towards God. Yes, I need to deal with those feelings but to tell someone to forgive God, or even to use that term, is to approach this question in the wrong manner. It is poor teaching that does not come from scripture.
To use language in this way only brings futher confussion. So what do I need to do with those feelings? Repent and ask for forgiveness. This is not saying, ‘get over it.’
It seems to me that you are following Lewis Smedes approach. This is therapeutic forgiveness not biblical forgiveness. It’s a redefined understanding of forgiveness.
Tamara has expressed it well.
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Jamie,
I think you are still getting hung up on semantics. I don’t think I forgiveness, as I described is inconsistent with the biblical usage at all. It is about us releasing the other person from an obligation. That is at the heart of Matthew 18, is it not?
No, I don’t think nor am I saying that we need utter the words “God, I forgive you”. In fact, the thought did occur to me last night after the exchange with Tamara that as I have described it here, forgiveness=repentance. But that does not differ in forgiveness of others. I am holding something against someone, and decide to forgive, it is tantamount to repentance; I am changing my mind and course of direction about how I consider that other person. See, because it is all about me not them. Now the application of that will look different towards God as opposed to others, but the concept is still the same.
And that was the point of the post. That if those feelings of resentment are present, we need to change our minds and step in the direction towards God. Yes, that will be a surrendered and contrite heart, asking confessing and asking forgiveness. It is not about uttering the words, “I forgive you, a point I think you are getting hung up on. But ensconcing that in the language of unforgiveness, and particularly as Jesus describes it in Matthew 18, should makes us realize just how serious and tormenting that resentment can be.
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Herbert Spencer said that misused words generate misleading thoughts. I think it is fair and reasonable to expect a Christian theologian to also share a keen interest in ‘semantics’, and to desire to give the greatest attention to the full implications of all that is expressed or understood through their choice of words.
I wonder if your point is perhaps expressed in the Genesis 32 picture of Jacob wrestling with God, where after a night of relentless struggle God finally says to Jacob, ‘Morning is coming. Let me go.’ Here, the Hebrew expresses ‘letting go’ differently than the Greek ‘apoluo – to let loose/to forgive’. (The Matthew 18 ‘aphiemi’ clearly refers to forgiveness in terms of debt or trespass, and it is not appropriate to apply to God unless you do mean to suggest that God has failed in His obligations to you, owes you a debt or has trespassed against you). But the Hebrew ‘shalach -to let go’ is able to express letting go in the physical terms of simply releasing an opponent. This story demonstrates your point, I think, that all our striving, wrestling, resentments and bitterness to God will not affect Him, and all they do is serve to keep us in one spot, until we exhaust ourselves. God has better things in mind for us, when we’re ready to ‘let Him go’. Sometimes we are permanently wounded in the struggle. But, if we ask Him for it, it is also true that there can be great blessing in the struggle… in engaging Him with all our heart, soul, strength and mind… because really, it was through this act of wrestling that Jacob saw God face to face, and that God gave to him the name Israel.
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Tamara, I think that is a great illustration of the points I was attempting to raise with this post, and one that has touched me deeply tonight. Thanks for sharing that.
And the point regarding the usage of forgiveness towards God, based on the definition as you have provided is well taken. However, I will note that the verb used in Matthew 18, αφιημι, the BDAG renders this definition applicable to this passage – “to release from legal or moral obligation or consequence; cancel, remit, or pardon.” Based on this broader definition, it is possible to have imposed a moral obligation towards someone regardless of whether they are actually guilty of it. And that is all I was getting at. You are correct, usage in Matthew 18 is in connection of an actual wrong, something which God cannot do.
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