Just wanted you to know I have added you to my bookmarks. I’ve seen your other blog topics too and I can say you’ve got great ideas. Keep it up!

“My marriage can survive the failure of my ministry but the reverse is simply not true.”

I think John Wesley’s marriage failed fairly quickly yet his ministry seemed to continue…

This is something that I am struggling with at this very moment. I am part of a bible study in which a few members (one in particular) is of the belief that the church “those who attend the study” are the only true family and that the only thing that comes before “the brotherly body of believers” is God. Hence, my wife would be less important than our bible study. Over the past few weeks (crazy weeks in which one of our members went off on a few tangents about churches and proper suffering) I have felt pulled away from my wife, and it has affected our lives. I wasn’t listening to her, she felt like I was drifting away; always focused on the study rather than our marriage. I made the decision to stop attending the study and spend more time with my wife. While I feel at peace with this decision; I cannot find verses in the bible that help confirm my thinking that my first ministry is my wife, rather than the ministry my fellow bible study brothers have said. I’m a fairly new believer and I’m a bit lost. I feel in my heart that my wife is more important; but I can’t make them see without solid scripture.

PRIORITIES MADE SIMPLE

- GOD
- FAMILY
- CHURCH
- EVERTHING ELSE

J

Good post Michael, Hits home with me. One of the hardest things for me to do is create that balance. Seems to be true that in everything we do, the product of our efforts are hinged on the balance of where we put our efforts. Not just ministry but in everything we do.

This thread is missing a lot of comments it seems. So I will just take up where it left off, after #50.

Hodge,

I don’t see it as anything but an issue of a balanced marital relationship in ways that are pleasing to Christ, and in keeping with scriptural guidelines that God tells us are most acceptable to Him. There are extreme ways of looking at both sides of a marital conflict from our human points of view, that’s what I’m saying, and I don’t believe either extreme reflects the example Paul or Peter gave of how Christ loves the church, and gave up His life for her.

I don’t see marital disagreements as an authoritarian/rebellion issue so much as I do a common human difference of opinion about what to do in a certain situation when one spouse wants one thing and the other spouse wants another. Then it becomes more about deciding which choice is best, not about who’s going to make the final decision in the long run.

Do you see the difference I am speaking of?

test

mbaker,

That’s an egalitarian interpretation of Scripture to which I do not subscribe. Jesus leads by example and so should husbands. No argument there. The problem is the false dichotomy that either husbands lead from example and are loving or they lead by making the determining decision rather than the wife (one is always determining what the other will do BTW) and they are ruthless dictators dragging their wives by their hair into the caves of their selfish wills. Please, this is getting ridiculous.
The problem is when one so interprets the Bible in a lopsided manner that a doctrine or practice ends up being distorted beyond all recognition. That’s why I made the statement before about neo-complementarianism and its virtual similarity to egalitarianism. If the husband treats his wife like a slave because of the submission passages, I view him as just as disobedient to the Scripture as the husband who does not lead his wife away from her disobedience to Christ.
BTW, talking about leading in love isn’t a disguise. That’s a bit jaded, don’t you think? Does Christ lead by authority in your mind (i.e., by teaching and command) or by example? I say both. Do you think He is therefore being unloving to us because He commands us to do something? If He isn’t, and I am not even saying that we should command our wives or lead with such authority anywhere near what the Lord does to us, then why paint leadership that takes both authority and example in such a negative light?

On a further note, any Christian should be an example, so Peter and Paul have no business telling wives to obey their husbands and be an example if in fact leading is being an example. In other words, if the concepts were interchangeable then the command should be to everyone: “Obey (i.e., be an example to) one another”; but it isn’t. Adam should have taken authority over his wife and led the conversation in the right direction. Instead, he led by your concept of an example by not dictating anything to his wife…and the world fell.

There was a comment made just a few back from my editor Lindsey. She did not know she was signed in as me since she was editing. That comment did NOT come from me. Sorry for the confusion.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my mere 6 years of marriage with 2 kids, and seeing how both my parents and my wife’s parents divorced after long marriages and WHY they ended up there, it’s the fact that every single marriage is different because it involves two different human beings. Assuming certain general biblical principles, what works for one marriage might not work for another, and the beautiful (and lifelong!) challenge and reward is figuring out how best to make it work with your spouse.

Michael, we’ve always appreciated your transparency with your marriage. I think if more couples were more transparent with their couple friends about their problems (to a certain extent obviously!), it would only add accountability and edification to the marriages… kind of like having another couple alongside you to help out, and vise versa…