I want to be single cause im afraid to get married and be too dependent on my husband cause i might resent him

Isaiah 54:5

I, as a young woman married to a very withdrawn husband, was told this very thing by a much older, very dedicated Christian lady. I tried doing it, but God made a very lousy husband.

Years later, I’m still married to the same guy, and things have improved considerably.

Looking back on that, I can now see that what I needed and wanted was a real husband, and no nice little spiritually-sounding idea was gonna fix that. So when people say dumb stuff like that to you, I think you should say, “No, thanks.”

[...] We compensate by implanting surrogate spousal relationships, such as I have written in God as My Husband? post.  We compensate by making our children fill roles they were not designed to fill.  We [...]

I realize this is an old posting; but the subject is very dear to me. I find the opinions and interpretations interesting. But all of them are ultimately flawed by human ego. As will be the case with what follows; however, here it is.

The ideal union is a spiritual union. Whether or not a human is paired with another human is immaterial. The individual’s God-First Perspective is the goal. If, as in my case, that perspective is provided focus by acknowledging God as the leader of my life/better half/spouse (feel free to use any terminology you desire), then I am a covered human who will seek that guidance in maintaining or establishing all relationships. Isn’t that really the point?

I think that god is are father not husbent or wife EXEXtra. you can not say god is your husbent thats not right. therse somting rong there in your mind.

thanks for this. I’ve heard “God as you’re husband” before, whilst I could see what they meant, I’ve never really taken to the idea but couldn’t put my finger on what it was that irked me.

It’s limiting God I guess: not taking into account the fullness and omniscience of him.

Thank you

Donna, I emphasize with your situation. I hope that you have not taken any of what I’ve written to construe that the draw of an earthly relationship is sex or to fulfill lustly passions. If you examine Ephesians 5, Paul likens the relationship of husband and wife to Christ and the church. It is the highest form of intimate earthly relationship as identified by the two becoming one. That is not simply regulated to the physical, but to the totality of the relationship – emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. I think that’s why its also the most challenged of earthly relationships for that reason.

Also, when the term husband is used in relation to who God is to his people, it is in the context of covenant infractions and also promises (such as the passage you posted). He never identifies with being a surrogate spouse to individuals but promises to be a protector and provider to Israel, as a covenant people.

Yes, dependency on God is crucial and we do need to be content in whatever state we find ourselves. If you read carefully what I’ve written in paragraphs 4 and 5, you’ll see that fulfillment in our heavenly relationship cannot be replaced by an earthly relationship and God ultimately fulfills where others can’t. We must look to him to do so. But that does not make him a substitute for a spouse.

Hi Lisa,

I came across the following when I was in the throws of a really bad relationship coming to an end w/my earthly “husband”:

“Isaiah 54:5-7 (King James Version)

5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

6For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.

7For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.”

So therefore, I look to him as a Husband..One who loves me and will take care of me, provide for me and protect me..everything a husband is supposed to do for you. It really fit at the time, because my earthly “husband” was rejecting me for other women. Yes, I, too, still have those carnal, fleshly lusts for that type of physical intimacy than an earthly husband can fulfill, but I know that it is a lust of the flesh and that if we walk in the Spirit, we won’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh. To seek out a man to marry just to fulfill that yearning is to make a provision for the lust of the flesh which is the wrong motivation for marriage and God cannot bless that…as I found out the hard way!

More inspiration comes from:
“Galations 5: 16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, …”

I stopped here to point out that the TOP two works of the flesh are Adultery and fornication…both, although they could be also be considered spiritual sins, are most commonly thought of as sexual sins. The physical body has to be put in its place! We are made, as is pointed out in 1Thesselonians 5:23, as Spirit, Soul, and THEN Body!

So, I leave you with this blessing as my prayer:
“1 Thessalonians 5:23 -Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

“I believe that we cannot have an intimate relationship with a man unless we have an intimate relationship with God.”

I wholeheartedly agree and nothing I’ve written suggests that this should not be the case. Having a unique earthly relationship does not and should not preclude intimacy in our relationship with God. That is first, above all.