I have read this story with much sympathy.
1st. It is regrettable that this pastor lacked balance. the priority principle of:-
1. God first,
2. family second and
3 minisrty third
was violated to the detriment of himself and the family. Violating this principle produces an unhealthy ministry.
Secondly, when in this crisis, this pastor got into wrong company. Another violation of the scriptural principle in Psalms chapter 1. The christian ministry must be carried out according to God’s due order (1Chr. 15:13) to enjoy God’s support. It is pathetic that we have too many people who do not understand God’s ways but are “serving God.”

Hummmmmmm….I would never do that….I personally just wait patiently for them to catch on–The Church, and so often the not so strong at times leadership that resides inside their doors….sooner or later they do learn from their mistakes, as God Himself unfolds His delights for *what He Sees Neccessary and done* ~ and no one else. And…..its usually when we least expect it. Best Wishes to you as well….don’t give up when knowing this….”God uses the least of these for kingdom work, and ministry nessesity laid bare and wide”….
love Rahab

Jim, All I can say is I am happy for you, and for your wife. It sounds like you found your own life. Wishing you all the best, jo

Though we all love Jim with the love of Christ, his letter/email is also posted here to engender comment and discussion as to the meaning and significance of what he experienced and where he is now.

Jim’s salvation narrative raises questions of assurance and perserverence. The Bible gives strong assurance of present salvation for those who are in Christ Jesus but does not state that all who presently “believe” will infallibly endure to the end in that faith. The Arminian will be straightforward in acknowledging that the present believe of those who endure and those who don’t is the same, and that it changes in those who do not endure.

The story of Jim, and many stories like his, is a great challenge and weakness for the Calvinist doctrine of inevitable perseverance. That is, there is the reality that many who profess that they have put their faith in Christ, and are personally convinced that they have,, do not endure in that faith until the end. Many who do not perservere start off with impressive track records of loving, trusting, and serving Christ and producing fruit of the Spirit.

The Calvinist must avere that those who fail to perservere were never true believers in the first place. Calvinists questions the integrity of those who abandon the faith and yet claim that they once trusted Christ with all of their hearts and loved God dearly: they only “thought” they loved and trusted Christ but never experienced true faith. Hence, Jim at times past was deluded in his belief that he was a “genuine” saved Christian, but in reality all of his Spiritual fruit was nothing more than the works of the flesh. Given how convinced Jim was of his salvation, it follows that no one, no Calvinist, can know and have assurance that his faith is the real persevering faith. His faith might be the fake faith, and he can’t know if it’s real or fake until after he or she dies.

How can anyone be certain that their present faith and love is real? We all must concede that Jim (at the time he did have saving faith) truly “thought” his faith was genuine despite the fact that it wasn’t. If he was deluded, how can anyone be sure that they are not likewise deceived by their present faith? Christ? Perhaps it only “seems” real to them. How can they be sure that their faith and love for Christ will not someday fail, thereby proving that their faith was never “real” in the first place? and thus they were never “really” saved? Calvinists have consequently developed some truly hideous doctrines to deal with this. A.W. Pink is one of many Calvinists to write about carnal faith:

In the past, dear reader, there have been thousands who were just as confident that they had been genuinely saved and were truly trusting in the merits of the finished work of Christ to take them safely through to Heaven, as you may be; nevertheless, they are now in the torments of Hell. Their confidence was a carnal one; their “faith,” no better than that which the demons have. Their faith was but a natural one which rested on the bare letter of Scripture. It was not a supernatural one, wrought in the heart by God. They were too confident that their faith was a saving one, to thoroughly, searchingly, frequently, test it by the Scriptures, to discover whether or no it was brining forth those fruits which are inseparable from the faith of God’s elect.

Consequently many puritans and Scottish presbyterians developed tests to look inwardly and outwardly to determine if their faith was a real saving faith. And no test ever gave them the assurance they wanted.
John Calvin preceded A.W. Pink, of course, and to deal with the embarrassment of those who do not endure after many years of impressive faith he developed the concept of “evanescent grace.” Calvin posited the idea that God sometimes gives the reprobate a grace and subsequent faith so similar to that of the elect that it is nearly impossible to tell the difference. He says that “experience shows that the reprobate are sometimes affected in a way similar to the elect, that even in their own judgment there is no difference between them.” He calls this “an inferior operation of the Holy Spirit” by which God “illumines their minds to this extent, that they recognize his grace.” The Lord apparently gives the reprobate this temporary grace so that He might “better…convict them, and leave them without excuse.”

If there was a profound motif to my life it might look like a Q&Q.

When someone asks me “Why are you a Christian”? I respond with a question: “It’s not why am I christian? It’s why am I STILL a christian”?

For all of my lost dreams, disappointments, depression, loss of loved ones, chronic pain, inability to feel and ongoing suffering…somehow I still believe even if its with some sense of confusion and disillusionment. I am broken. I am bleeding. And I cannot find my heart. If anyone has a reason to leave the faith, I do. If anyone has a reason to hate, I do. If anyone has a reason to bash ministry, i do. If anyone has a reason to hate God, I do.

What am I today, in my broken and suffering heart? I lost everything and gained something else. It doesn’t look like anything. It looks stupid. What do I have? Nothing and everything. Somehow, I am someone else. I’m not who I was before. I’m not what I wanted to be. I am bleeding.

Today when I read the bible, I see my brothers and sisters. I see those who came before me and showed me a foretaste of whats to come. Now when I hear them, I hear my family. I lost everything to find truth. What a strange reality this is.

Why am I still a Christian? God knows.

It seems to me he was in a bad brand of Christianity. How much he fabricated, and how much came from without I don’t know.

He needs to look to the much wider variety of Christian experience in history. It’s not all about 21st century corporate style church. There’s a whole world of spirituality I don’t think he even knows about.

Jim’s story has shown up in various places on the Internet for several years (the ones I saw were exactly the same wording, posted by Jim himself on blogs). He is actively proselytizing for his new theology and will probably get many converts who are disillusioned with the ministry.

I don’t see this as a Pentecostal or charismatic issue because I’ve seen it many times in many different denominations as well as secular setting.

As with many service professions, ministers often have a rescuer mentality which is not always bad…it makes great ER doctors and nurses and motivates people to help other people. But it also often seems to go along with a lack of discipline in relationships and boundaries and leads to burnout.

Having the gift of mercy myself I had to work through this issue in my own life and ministry. In fact I would literally stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “No” over and over. I can see how it would be easy to blame the burnout on the church, but I believe it is frequently our lack of discipline and our willingness to sacrifice ourselves and our family to “help” others, thinking we are being spiritual and fulfilling God’s calling.

Codependency is harmful in any setting, whether it’s fostered in a personal relationship like a husband and wife, or an institutional relationship like a pastor and his church. As with any addiction, breaking free gives a sense of freedom and exhilaration and it is not surprising that the object of the addiction becomes demonized.

Jan

Jim, I am glad that you have found the joy of spending time with wife and family, friendships, recreation and the good things of life. In my opinion, this could have been a part of the life of a pastor as well. Further, as a survivor of doubt and assaults to my faith, one of the most liberating facts that I found is that I was no exception. A crisis of faith is not an uncommon thing in the pathway of many Christians. My perspective changed when I came across the struggles of a pastor/missionary (in some ways similar to yours). I am pasting here below a few short paragraphs of his own struggles (in his own words) as he retraced his steps to his own agnostic roots ….

Back in 1951 & 1952, I went through a very deep time in my own life. I had been a pastor for ten years and a missionary for another five, and I was connected with a group who stood very strongly for the truth of the Scriptures. But as I watched, it became clear to me that I saw very little spiritual reality. I had to ask why. I looked at myself as well and realised that my own spiritual reality was not as great as it had been immediately after my conversion. We were in Switzerland at that time, and I said to my wife, “I must really think this through.”

It took about two months, and I walked in the mountains whenever it was clear. And when it was rainy, I walked back and forth in the hayloft over our chalet. I thought and wrestled and prayed, and I went back all the way to my agnosticism. I asked myself whether I had been right to stop being an agnostic and to become a Christian. I told my wife, if it didn’t turn out right I was going to be honest and go back to America and put it all aside and do some other work.

I came to realise that indeed I had been right in becoming a Christian. But then I went on further and wrestled deeper and asked, “But then were is the spiritual reality, Lord, among most of that which it calls itself orthodoxy?” And gradually I found something. I found something that I had not been taught, a simple thing but profound. I discovered of the meaning of the work of Christ, the meaning of the blood of Christ, moment by moment in our lives after we are Christians – the movement-by-movement work of the Holy Trinity in our lives because as Christians we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. That is true spirituality. – [The complete works of Francis Schaeffer 'A Christian Worldview' volume three A Christian view of Spirituality, Crossway books, 1982, p416-417].

Maybe you can consider the route taken by Schaeffer since a crisis of faith (in itself not bad) can lead to routes other than agnosticism but lead back to Faith on a far higher plane than before. The book he has written is very detailed AND VERY REAL. I think that you will find it a useful read.
Rampert

I would point out an interesting word in his story–experience. He has experienced all the church had to offer, and was still left empty, in the end. So much of the modern church is about experiencing God in some way, or about proving you’re a Christian, through a “change in lifestyle.” We’re too busy about the Master’s work, and we’ve forgotten the Master.

*sigh*

Russ

I “stumbled” on the article “Why Jim Left the Ministry…. and faith” and read it with interest. I would comment, NOT CRITICIZE the various parties that have an input to the situaton.
In the first instance Jim’s enthusiam to get involved is admirable, but the first problem lies in the Leadership of the church – too often as it would appear in this case “If he’s willing let him get on with it!” – that is the line that is adopted from the “top!”
DELEGATE – by all means but do not lose control.
What appears to have been lacking in Jim’s experience and sadly too common in church life is “ACCOUNTABILITY” Those “in authority” should have read the signs, sat down with Jim and worked thtough his work schedule – even further delegation of that work load.
Who Pastors the Pastor?
On a further look at Jim’s own account of his situation it would appear that he “started where he should have finished and finished where he should have started.” Spending time with and getting to know those who were outside of the “church” in the early days of his training would have prepared him to meet and deal with their personal and spiritual problems that it would appear he could not cope with at a late time – he did not know them.
Sadly Jim is not alone. His experience is that of many believers and church leaders in the church and perhaps now “out of church life today.”
Young people think they have a gift – it is seized upon by well meaning “leaders” and they are thrust into the “spiritual battle” without backup, training, testing, or knowing the escape route when the Enemy strikes.

To Jim – from another Jim, our God is gracious, He, like the Prodigal’s father is looking out for your return – He already has the party arranged and He will give you the Grace to allow you make that turn around. Just remember you are
” remembered in Prayer by those who care.”