Mom is still the same. We had a sincere prayer for healing offered, yet God chose not to act according to such desires.

Someone asked why I would take her to another church to pray for healing. The answer is that my church does not encourage people to approach the church, elders, or pastors for prayers for healing. It is not that they are against it, but they just don’t seem to confidently promote it. This church, which I visited for the first time last week did. It is that simple. I saw faith concerning healing that encouraged me to do this. As I said before, this was not a faith healer or a faith healing church. They simply encouraged their people in such a way. They believed in the continuation of the gift of healing and prophecy. I don’t know if they have ever brought up a person in my mother’s situation—unable to walk or speak due to a stroke and aneurysm—and actually saw such a healing. In fact, I have never seen or even heard of such an occurrence that was credible. Have you?

But I was ready. I have gotten to that point. I made no deals with God. I did not say, “God if you do this, then I will REALLY believe in you.” Nor did I say, “God if you don’t do this, then I will step away from you.” I just said, “Lord, you know my heart. You know that I have never seen such a thing. You know that I don’t really believe that you will heal my mother even though I know you could. But I am here and believing as much as I can. Let their faith be sufficient.”

I was ready. How else could I feel? Disparate? I don’t know. I just did not want any stone left unturned. The pain of her sickness is often too much for us. We come close to becoming disenchanted with her pain (i.e. apathetic), but such a “blessing” alludes our grip. Mother’s condition is just too bad. Especially relative to who she was, who I remember, who I sat under, who discipled us, and who said—and this is important—”Don’t ever leave me in such a condition.”

Oh yeah mom, what does that mean? “Don’t ever leave me in that condition?” What am I supposed to do? Murder you? Give you a gun and put it in your good hand? Could you? Would you? Don’t answer that. I already know…I would do the same thing.

If you wern’t 57. If you weren’t so young. Then we could say that it won’t be long for you to live like this. Then we could have hope. Oh yeah . . . one more thing: Why did we pray for your life while you were in surgury? I am sorry. We did not expect this. God should have taken you home. I am very sorry mom. I can’t do anything. I will just be here for you. I will take you on walks, to movies, and to the Bagel Shop. We have fun don’t we? Just hold my hand.

Well, I don’t know when this turned into a conversation with my mother, but it did.

We tried. We are tired.

God’s grace is sufficient, but it must be renewed each morning.

Thank you all for your prayers.

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