Top Twenty Theological Pick-up Lines NOT to use
I thought that I would lighten things up here with this post. Believe it or not this is the most popular post in the history of Parchment and Pen. I am not so sure how to take that.
20. “I am not overweight. The word ‘glory’ in Hebrew is kabod which according to HALOT literally means ‘heaviness.’ The Bible also says that we are to reflect God’s glory. Therefore, I am just doing what the Bible says.”
19. “Looking at you makes me reconsider preterism, because you are heaven on earth.”
18. “Paul said that it was better to marry than to burn. Therefore, I am under God’s mandate to marry you.”
17. “Here, let me take care of those tithes.”
16. “You may not have chosen me, but I have chosen you.”
15. “I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.”
14. ”Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.”
13. ”There are six things that motivate me to talk to you, yea seven that turned my head.”
12. “Until this moment, I thought I had the gift of singleness.”
11. During communion say, “Can I get you another drink.”
10. “The Bible says that God is not concerned with outer appearance . . . neither should you.”
9. “The Good Book said that I might be visited by angels unaware, but something must be wrong with my interpretation, because I am perfectly aware of you.”
8. “I noticed you crying during alter call, can I help?”
7. While giving her a TULIP say, ”This Totally depraved person has been Unconditionally drawn to you, Limiting himself to your Irresistible beauty that is Persevering beyond all others.”
6. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”
5. “The site of you leaves me apophatic.”
4. “Well, gouge out my eyes and cut off my hands. If I hang around you much longer, I won’t have any limbs left.”
3. “You must have missed The Fall line, because you are lookin’ righteous.”
2. Sing this to the tune of George Strait’s “Chair”: “Excuse me, but I think you’ve got my rib.”
1. “Are you homo or homoi?”
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Ellen on 03 May 2008 at 8:10 pm #
7. While giving her a TULIP say, ”This Totally depraved person has been Unconditionally drawn to you, Limiting himself to your Irresistible beauty that is Persevering beyond all others.”
I’m sure it’s just me…but the person who would understand what that all means…could have an edge…(and does)
JoanieD on 04 May 2008 at 6:03 am #
I like, ““The Good Book said that I might be visited by angels unaware, but something must be wrong with my interpretation, because I am perfectly aware of you.”
Cute! This one’s pretty good too: ““God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”
It would make me feel nervous when guys said to me anything approaching things like that. I had one boyfriend who would look at me so serious-like and actually say something so incredibly sweet but so incredibly how I didn’t actually feel that I wouldn’t know what to do at all.
Joanie D.
Stephen on 06 May 2008 at 10:48 am #
I have found it to be very dangerous to appropriate biblical language while “sweet talking” my wife. Granted, it is not a pick-up line, but she always responds very awkwardly. I guess it is the curse she bears for marrying a seminarian and pastor. When I snuggled up to her and said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock,” it did not produce the desired result! I wasn’t trying to imply that the verse meant what I meant it for, simply using the language of the Son of God to approach my wife. Is that so wrong?
Grub on 06 May 2008 at 12:21 pm #
I heard this one:
“You must be related to Balaam, ’cause your ass is speakin’ to me!’
Ben on 06 May 2008 at 12:24 pm #
21. Read your role of the Song of Solomon to him/her.