I have no delusions that issues of gender equality has a simple solution. “Read your Bible. Whatever it says, do.” Yes, this is a nice way to go in a world where things are not so complicated, where sinners are all trying their darnedest to not sin, where repentance and change is the norm. But things are not always so simple. Yet the Bible does speak and sometimes what it says we don’t really like. Give us time and we will find a “better” answer. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, your gender, or your gifts, let’s fix it. We don’t want anyone to feel bad.

“Wives submit to your husband” (Eph. 5:22). ”I don’t allow a woman to teach” (1 Tim 2:12). ”The husband is the head of the wife” (Eph. 5:23). Don’t these represent the problem? Advancements and new discoveries nuance these passages taking away some of the sting, but in the end, you have to refresh your brain each time the issue is brought up to remind yourself how it does not mean what it seems to mean. Believe me, I have gone there. I am one who loves to take away stings. I still go there. I don’t want anyone to feel bad. I like happy people. Shinny happy people holding hands.

Yet, this issue does create quite a sting, doesn’t it? “What about when my husband is abusive, do I submit?” “What if a women is particularly gifted, does she not have equal opportunity?” “What about when no men will lead, do we just have no leaders?” “What about when my husband is leading the children away from God, do I not tell them to follow me instead?” These are all questions to which I don’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. In fact, when I have tried to make the matter a simple issue of following what the Bible says, I have regretted it. What the Bible says is not always that simple.

But I do believe that there is a biblical direction that we fail to take as a society. Value. What do we value?

Roles. What are the best roles? What is the best kind of job? What is the most dignified way to serve?

“Dignified” and “serve.” Do those two words even belong together?

Men, I am going to say something to you that has the potential to offend you, but it probably won’t. I don’t always trust you with certain things. I think that men have problems and deficiencies that are unique to males. In fact, I think that men are grossly deficient in many areas. Primarily, I don’t think men are very sensitive. I don’t think men value emotion and relationships as we should. I don’t think men are always very tender. I think we have a one track mind that can be neglectful. Oftentimes, we just miss the boat. We are bent in other directions. Because of this, there are many things that I don’t think men are suited for in the same way as women.

Men are not nurturers by nature. Sure, some might have this giftedness, but the gender as a whole fights against it. No, I am not limiting this to babies and cute clothes and fixing the hair of the children before church (although I don’t want to neglect such either), but men don’t have the ability to nurture society in general. Yes, they can lead, focus, and problem solve, but they cannot nurture. They don’t provide the beauty to life the way that women do. They cannot decorate the world with care and emotion the way that women can. The scent of a woman cannot be found in the male species. Yes we care, yes we express emotion, but we simply don’t do so in the same way that women do.

Can you put a price on the scent of women? Can you pay for what they bring to the table of life? 

My children are the most valuable things on this earth. They are more valuable to me than my job, my ministry, or any of my lofty plans to win the world to Christ. They, along with my wife, are my primary responsibility. I lead them, I teach them, I play with them. It is all good. But that which my wife does for them is much different. Dare I say that it rivals my importance? The emotional stability that she gives, I cannot. Why? Because I am not gifted in this area. Because I am a man. I don’t have the natural reactions that she has. I don’t sense the needs of my children the way she does. Yes, I can hug, kiss, say “I’m so sorry” when they fall down, but I can’t do it the way that Kristie does. This nuance of care that she brings makes a world of difference. It complements mine without competing. It is a different type of gift.

What price do you pay for this? How much does emotional stability cost? What is the worth of the thoughts of a woman?

Men and women are different, there is no doubt. The only time that people act as if they are not different is when issues of superiority come up. “Women can do everything a man can do!” I agree. Women can do everything a man can do. The question is why would they want to? Where is the pride in being a women? Why don’t women see their value?

When asked what women like most about being a woman, they gave a list that revealed their passions the way God created them. Emotions, nurturing, femininity, child bearing, compassion. Can a man do these things? Sure. But can is not the issue. The issue is are men bent to do these things? I would answer no. In the same way, I would suggest that women can do things that men are able to do, but it is not their bent.

But men and women alike seem to devalue the bent of a woman. When this occurs, their is a fight for the more prized bent—”greater seat.”

The worst thing that men can do is to dignify their own bent or seat by saying to women, ”We will make room for you in our seat. You have just as much right to sit here as we do.” This is another way of saying, “Yes, well, our seat is really the best. Thanks for noticing. Here, you can sit in the best seat as well.” In doing so, I believe we are communicating something very unbiblical. We are saying that God may have placed this bent within you, but it is not very good or necessary, at least not as good or necessary as ours.

“Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you.”

Fundamentally, I believe that the curse caused both sexes to undervalue the bent of a women. Because of the fall, men and women both inherit a new bent—a sinful bent that says, “Women, your bent is not valuable.”

Being redeemed in Christ gives us equality in purpose, design, and dignity—not sameness. Of all people, Christians should be able to recognize the mutual value of the sexes, understanding that they are complementary by God’s design. I believe that anything less is a sinful result of the fall.

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