Top Twenty Signs You are Taking this Emerging Thing Too Far
Or “Top Twenty Signs you are moving from emerging to Emergent!”Â
Now maybe you will appreciate this more 
(I have made a few changes).
20. You only curse around fundamentalists.
19. You leave your church because the sermon was not obscure enough.
18. You refer to your local assembly as “church,” “synagogue,” or “mosque” depending on who you are talking to.
17. Your blog is a rant about how everyone else rants too much.
16. You brag that you have never been pinned down theologically on any issue.
15. The only thing you are sure of is that others cannot be sure of anything.
14. You bring your own wine to communion.
13. You are offended when someone says they are going to “Preach the Gospel†or “Teach the truth†believing they should just “Tell a story.â€
12. Instead of a tract, you carry a can of Play-doh in your back pocket.Â
11. Your website links to Green Peace and the Democratic National Convention just because conservatives are against it.
10. You start a Christian blog, but leave it blank, fearing that you might offend someone.
9. You are not any good at art, yet you continue to present the Gospel by painting stick figures on recycled paper.
8. When you present the Gospel, Heaven is renamed The Matrix and you call Christ Neo.
7. Your church caters from Whole Foods.
6. Every sermon illustration begins with “The other night I was drinking a beer and . . .â€
5. You have yet to read the book of Romans believing Paul was too modern in his thinking.
4. Your car has a bumper sticker that reads “I think my boss is a Jewish carpenter but I can’t know for certain.â€Â
3. You don’t worship on Sundays because everyone else does.
2. You evaluate truth by asking how many people hold to it. If it is too popular, then it is wrong.
1. When someone calls out your name you get angry saying, “Don’t label me.”
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- Top Ten (More) Signs You Might be Taking this Emerging Thing a Little TOO Far
- Top Twenty Signs You are Taking this Emerging Thing Too Far
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- Are You Like Me? Take the Test
Eric on 23 Feb 2008 at 4:52 pm #
Here are a few more for fun:
1. When you hear the word “Orthodox†all you think about is the great food at the Greek Festival every year.
2. You think “Patristics” is a new brand of snack food.
3. Church history started when your pastor was born.
4. The only Creed you know is a once-popular musical act.
Jody on 23 Feb 2008 at 4:55 pm #
You know, that’s only funny because… it’s funny!
I’ve enjoyed your ‘rant’ about the Emergent Church. You’ve helped me understand and make sense of a lot of noise around this issue.
scott gray on 23 Feb 2008 at 5:00 pm #
1. you engineer every conversation so you are able to use the phrase, ‘you can’t put god in a dox.’ and laugh like you’ve said the funniest thing in the word.
2. you make everyone define everything before you begin a conversation. since this takes forever, you never really have a conversation.
3. you think hell is a construct, somewhere in tennessee.
4. you think everything is a metaphor for something else.
JoanieD on 23 Feb 2008 at 5:37 pm #
Michael, my favorite on your list may be “You start a Christian blog, but leave it blank, fearing that you might offend someone.”
Eric, I like your “You think “Patristics†is a new brand of snack food.”
Scott, I like your “you make everyone define everything before you begin a conversation. since this takes forever, you never really have a conversation.” Funny!
Joanie D.
Emergents Gone Wild « amazing grey city on 23 Feb 2008 at 6:42 pm #
[...] Gone Wild Michael Patton offers the top 20 signs you are taking this emerging thing too far. [...]
Lisa R on 23 Feb 2008 at 8:41 pm #
Eric’s #4 is my favorite…the only creed you know is the band
How about this one…
You once read a good story about some jewish people and a cross
C Michael Patton on 23 Feb 2008 at 8:45 pm #
These are good. If I get enough, I will post a “more” post soon.
minnowspeaks on 24 Feb 2008 at 1:31 am #
Most of those didn’t even make sense to me–guess I haven’t blogged long enough.
#20 was my favorite although bringing my own wine to communion (#14) sounds fun!
Ironically I was most taken back by #13: You are offended when someone says they are going to “preach the Gospel” or “teach the truth” believing they should just “tell a story”.
I’ve been wondering why this one bothered me and have decided it’s because when I have heard people ask “preachers” and “teachers” to tell stories I’ve taken it as the one trying to tell the other how he/she could more effectively communicate so the first could hear without having to always fight through the feelings of being talked down to. When we share our testimonies (stories) we put one another on an equal level. When we teach or preach we set ourselves up as having a better understanding of truth, more revelation, a deeper spirituality.
At any rate, it’s always good to look at ourselves and have a good laugh (Good humor is usually a great teacher). And, fundies aren’t the only ones who have a tendency to take themselves too seriously. touche.
Matt Scott on 24 Feb 2008 at 1:33 pm #
You know, with a sense of humor like it’s easy to forget you’re an evangelical.
Good stuff.
Jake Bouma on 24 Feb 2008 at 9:56 pm #
This is funny! It reminds me of a post I wrote called “Everything I need to know I learned from the emerging church”: http://www.jakebouma.com/2007/09/19/everything-i-need-to-know-i-learned-from-the-emerging-church/
The Daily Dish — addison’s walk on 25 Feb 2008 at 1:02 pm #
[...] Top 20 Signs of Taking the Emerging Thing Too Far Michael Patton offers some indications that you might be going from emerging to Emergent. [...]
Emergent, Emerging, Modern, Postmodern, Orthodox, Heresy, Liberal, Conservative, Baptist, Pentecostal, Mainline, Evangelical, Good, Evil, Pagan, Christian, Tony Jones, John MacArthur, Brian McLaren, Bible Answer Man (Hank Hanegraaff), The French, The Engl on 25 Feb 2008 at 2:37 pm #
[...] Top Twenty Signs you are moving from emerging to Emergent! [...]
Nick on 25 Feb 2008 at 4:01 pm #
Your church charges a corking fee for the wine you bring.
scott gray on 25 Feb 2008 at 5:59 pm #
but they do provide the glass.
JoanieD on 25 Feb 2008 at 6:34 pm #
You spend your weekends seaching the internet to determine where you stand on the emerging/Emergent scale from Mark Driscoll to Brian McLaren. And when you finally decide, you still are not REALLY certain and don’t want to commit to it. (OK, OK, maybe that’s just me. )
Joanie D.
Reformation Nation on 08 Mar 2008 at 1:01 pm #
This was some great stuff!
Can I recommend you doing a Top 20 on the seeker-friendly movement and the Prosperity movement?
Thanks for making my day.
Never Compromise!
- The Pilgrim
britphil on 15 Apr 2008 at 9:04 am #
Sorry guys but I have only just found this post…so here a few from across the pond…for what they are worth!!
1. Someone asks you “Are you going to church today and you immediately reply
“I’m already here”
2. The pastor opens the service with “…and welcome to our Lord’s Day service this morning” and you panic because you didn’t realise it was Wednesday already!”
3. During a energy drop in the sermon you try and estimate how many candles could comfortably fit in the church.
4. Halfway through the service you have a panic attack because you know you are flying but you can’t for the life of you remember whether you have just taken off or are coming into land!
5. You quite fancy leading an Italian Fresh Expression of Church so you can be referred to legitimately as “Pasta Phil”