Top Twenty Theological Pick-up Lines NOT to use
Seeing as how I used to be a singles pastor, I thought that I would give you some of the tips that I gave my singles on how NOT to lure the right one to your side. (Thanks to Carrie for her help!)
20. “I am not overweight. The word ‘glory’ in Hebrew is kabod which according to HALOT literally means ‘heaviness.’ The Bible also says that we are to reflect God’s glory. Therefore, I am just doing what the Bible says.”
19. “Looking at you makes me reconsider preterism, because you are heaven on earth.”
18. “Paul said that it was better to marry than to burn. Therefore, I am under God’s mandate to marry you.”
17. “Here, let me take care of those tithes.”
16. “You may not have chosen me, but I have chosen you.”
15. “I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.”
14. ”Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.”
13. “There are six things that motivate me to talk to you, yea seven that turned my head.”
12. “Until this moment, I thought I had the gift of singleness.”
11. During communion say, “Can I get you another drink.”
10. “The Bible says that God is not concerned with outer appearance . . . neither should you.”
9. “The Good Book said that I might be visited by angels unaware, but something must be wrong with my interpretation, because I am perfectly aware of you.”
8. “I noticed you crying during alter call, can I help?”
7. While giving her a TULIP say, ”This Totally depraved person has been Unconditionally drawn to you, Limiting himself to your Irresistible beauty that is Persevering beyond all others.”
6. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”
5. “The sight of you leaves me apophatic.”
4. “Well, gouge out my eyes and cut off my hands. If I hang around you much longer, I won’t have any limbs left.”
3. “You must have missed the Fall line, because you are lookin’ righteous.”
2. Sing this to the tune of George Strait’s “Chair”: “Excuse me, but I think you’ve got my rib.”
1. “Are you homo or homoi?”
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- Can You Marry the Wrong Person?
- “It is not good for man to be alone”: A Theological look at Singleness
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richards on 14 Jun 2007 at 8:27 am #
Is this some kind of a joke? My wife didn’t fall for a single one of these. None of them work.
Nate on 04 Aug 2007 at 7:12 pm #
That was great!
ChadS on 07 Aug 2007 at 10:55 am #
To paraphrase John Wesley: “When I saw you I felt my heart strangely warmed.”
ChadS
On the Lighter Side | Through A Glass, Dimly on 10 Aug 2007 at 12:46 pm #
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Pensees on 12 Sep 2007 at 9:17 am #
Funny Advice for Singles
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tecigurl on 18 Sep 2007 at 2:08 pm #
hahaha! will definitely pass those on to my single churchmate friends
(hopefully some of us will get the more technical terms as we’re enrolled in a leadership class…) but right now i’m too lazy to look up “apophatic” and other such terms :p God bless y’all! ^_^
Bill on 21 Sep 2007 at 7:47 am #
How about this sleazy one…
“God says that my body is a temple…feel free to worship”
20 Theological Pickup Lines NOT to Use « Sam I Am on 21 Sep 2007 at 8:05 am #
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davidbmc on 09 Oct 2009 at 3:12 pm #
s/b altar, not alter.
RickGTTP on 23 Nov 2009 at 5:37 pm #
OUCH!!
It hurts!!
Make it stop!!!
