Top Twenty Theological Pick-up Lines NOT to use
Seeing as how I used to be a singles pastor, I thought that I would give you some of the tips that I gave my singles on how NOT to lure the right one to your side. (Thanks to Carrie for her help!)
20. ”I am not overweight. The word ‘glory’ in Hebrew is kabod which according to HALOT literally means ‘heaviness.’ The Bible also says that we are to reflect God’s glory. Therefore, I am just doing what the Bible says.”
19. “Looking at you makes me reconsider preterism, because you are heaven on earth.”
18. “Paul said that it was better to marry than to burn. Therefore, I am under God’s mandate to marry you.”
17. “Here, let me take care of those tithes.”Â
16. “You may not have chosen me, but I have chosen you.”
15. “I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.”
14. ”Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.”
13. ”There are six things that motivate me to talk to you, yea seven that turned my head.”
12. “Until this moment, I thought I had the gift of singleness.”
11. During communion say, “Can I get you another drink.”
10. “The Bible says that God is not concerned with outer appearance . . . neither should you.”
9. “The Good Book said that I might be visited by angels unaware, but something must be wrong with my interpretation, because I am perfectly aware of you.”
8. “I noticed you crying during alter call, can I help?”
7. While giving her a TULIP say, ”This Totally depraved person has been Unconditionally drawn to you, Limiting himself to your Irresistible beauty that is Persevering beyond all others.”
6. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”
5. “The site of you leaves me apophatic.”
4. “Well, gouge out my eyes and cut off my hands. If I hang around you much longer, I won’t have any limbs left.”
3. “You must have missed The Fall line, because you are lookin’ righteous.”
2. Sing this to the tune of George Strait’s “Chair”: “Excuse me, but I think you’ve got my rib.”
1. “Are you homo or homoi?”
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richards on 14 Jun 2007 at 8:27 am #
Is this some kind of a joke? My wife didn’t fall for a single one of these. None of them work.
Nate on 04 Aug 2007 at 7:12 pm #
That was great!
ChadS on 07 Aug 2007 at 10:55 am #
To paraphrase John Wesley: “When I saw you I felt my heart strangely warmed.”
ChadS
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tecigurl on 18 Sep 2007 at 2:08 pm #
hahaha! will definitely pass those on to my single churchmate friends
(hopefully some of us will get the more technical terms as we’re enrolled in a leadership class…) but right now i’m too lazy to look up “apophatic” and other such terms :p God bless y’all! ^_^
Bill on 21 Sep 2007 at 7:47 am #
How about this sleazy one…
“God says that my body is a temple…feel free to worship”
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Roe on 23 Sep 2007 at 8:46 pm #
This is classic –> 6. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.â€
Haha! Thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning.
Jim on 24 Sep 2007 at 8:14 pm #
Funny!. Heres one
“Boy I would like to minister to her physical needs”
AnneMarie on 28 Sep 2007 at 10:07 am #
Love it! Asolutely love!
the view from her on 30 Sep 2007 at 10:42 pm #
theological pick-up lines
Parchment and Pen posts the Top Twenty Theological Pick-Up Lines Not to Use. A few of my favorites: “I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.”
”Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.”
”
MGVH on 01 Oct 2007 at 12:15 pm #
A young Christian couple are dating, and it’s come to that point in the relationship where he would really like to kiss her. He wants to have some biblical warrant for his action, however, and so he is wracking his memory for some Bible verse. He’s thinking maybe something like 1 Cor 16.20 (”Greet one another with a holy kiss.”), but suddenly during the awkward pause as he’s trying to figure out how to explain himself, she gives him a great big hug and a kiss. “Where did that come from?” he says once he catches his breath. She replies, “Matthew 7.12.”
Noel on 01 Oct 2007 at 3:47 pm #
Absolutely brilliant.
blessedit.com on 02 Oct 2007 at 4:07 pm #
Top Twenty Theological Pick-up Lines NOT to use
14. â€Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.â€
11. During communion say, “Can I get you another drink.â€
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David on 08 Oct 2007 at 2:29 pm #
homoi ?
I am just not geting that
Michael on 08 Oct 2007 at 11:10 pm #
May I carry your Bible to Sunday School?
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I used to tell my wife “They should change your name to Grace, ’cause you’re so Amazing.”
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Brother Hank on 01 Nov 2007 at 9:51 pm #
well done, well done…lol.
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il.tester on 06 Nov 2007 at 6:26 pm #
ahaha!
â€There are six things that motivate me to talk to you, yea seven that turned my head.â€
If she reads enough of the Bible to get the humor in that, then she must be worth marrying.
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Ellen on 10 Nov 2007 at 10:37 am #
Actually…I probably would fall for a couple of those…and I’d way rather get tulips than roses
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Steve on 15 Feb 2008 at 4:18 am #
“as the sugar is lost in the tea, so am I lost in thee”
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