Many of you continue to ask about and pray for my mother. I have to apologize that I have not given you all an update for so long; I guess that I feel that I don’t want to continue to give bad news.

As many of you know, my mother (56) had a ruptured aneurysm last February that led to a massive stroke. She was in ICU for 4 months and in the hospital for two more. We moved her from the hospital to a rehab in Arkansas (about 4 hours away from me and 5 away from the rest of my family). She is still paralyzed on her left side, and cannot speak very well. When she does speak, most of what she says does not make sense.

The facility in Arkansas is doing all they can, but it does not seem to be helping much. We are having a very hard time deciding what to do. As you may know, I have had my house on the marked now since Oct. (no offers). My desire is to get to Oklahoma and help take care of her when she gets back. That is the nice thing about RMM, I can do most of my work from anywhere.

Since there is not any progress, she will probably be released in the next month or two. We are having a really hard time deciding what to do. She can’t tell us when she needs to go to the bathroom, therefore she needs full-time care. We have thought through our options and there are not many. Most are very expensive. I struggle very much with this. My mother used to joke about how we (my three sisters and I) were going to put her in a nursing home and forget about her when she is old. I promised her that I never would. Now she is only 55 and we are having to deal with this decision. I just don’t think they will treat her right. Didn’t she care for me when I was helpless as a child?

She came home for Christmas and it was very hard. Having to deal with the reality that this is the way it is going to be is almost too much to bear. I think I have a defense mechanism that shuts the reality out and allows me to get on. Her facial expressions say a lot even if her lips don’t. I know she knows who we are, but she is very different–yet the same. I ask her if she still prays to Jesus and she just rolls her eyes like “Yeah right, like I am going to talk to Him.” She was/is the spiritual head of our family and taught me to love the Lord from a very early age. After Angie (my sister) died, she was very angry with Him, but was starting to move on. Now this. I can’t imagine what it is like to try to keep the faith in her condition. I feel very sorry for her and I miss her.

I don’t really know the what or why of God’s actions. At the risk of sounding cliché, I do trust in Him and know that He knows what He is doing. I know that He is hers and He cares more for her than I do. Maybe He will do something miraculous. Sometimes He does, sometimes He doesn’t. I guess we will see.

It is kinda funny, but I don’t cry about these things when I am awake, but I cry quite a bit in my dreams about both my mother and my sister. Ever hear of that?

Thanks for your prayers.

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